The Very Picky Caterpillar sketch - Mercorabilia

Are you sitting comfortably, children? Then I'll tell you a different perspective of a classic children's book.

Beetle: Oi! Oi, you! Come here

Caterpillar: (mouth full) What?

Beetle: What have you been doing?

Caterpillar: Nothing. (swallows) Just been feeling a bit peckish.

Beetle: I see. So that’s why you’ve taken a bite out of 3 plums. And yesterday you had 2 pears. And the day before that it was an apple.

Caterpillar: Well, I’m hungry.

Beetle: No, you’re not. If you were hungry you’d have eaten all of it – not just taken a bite and moved on to the next thing. What you are is picky – you’re a very picky caterpillar. 

Caterpillar: Sorry.

Beetle: And it’s a terrible waste of food – all that will have to be thrown away now. Just don’t do it again.

---

Beetle: Now look what did I tell you? Don’t do again I said. And what did you do? You bit four strawberries! Four!

Caterpillar: I’m just very hungry.

Beetle: Well, if you do it again you’ll be going to bed without supper. Now just behave.

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Beetle: Oi! Where have you gone now? Hello! I know you’re here somewhere – there’s a trail of half-eaten food this way. There’s a…. and a … and a …. ! Come on. Come on out. Where are you? Oh.

Caterpillar: Hello.

Beetle: Hello. Can you help me? I’m looking for someone – he’s a caterpillar.

Caterpillar: Sorry. There’s no-one here but us butterflies.

Beetle: Oi! Oi, you! Come here

Caterpillar: (mouth full) What?

Beetle: What have you been doing?

Caterpillar: Nothing. (swallows) Just been feeling a bit peckish.

Beetle: I see. So that’s why you’ve taken a bite out of 1 apple, 2 pears, 3 plums, 4 strawberries, 5 oranges, one piece of chocolate cake, one ice cream  cone, one pickle and one slice of Swiss cheese.

Caterpillar: Well, I’m hungry.

Beetle: No, you’re not. If you were hungry you’d have eaten all of it – not just taken a bite and moved on to the next thing. What you are is picky – you’re a very picky caterpillar. 

Caterpillar: Sorry.

Beetle: And it’s a terrible waste of food – all that will have to be thrown away now. Just don’t do it again.

Caterpillar: Ok. <continues eating>

Beetle: Oi! What did I just say? Now you’ve gone a bitten a chunk out of one slice of salami and one lollipop.

Caterpillar: But I’m hungry.

Beetle: Don’t start that again. If you do it again you’ll be going to bed without supper. Now just behave.

Caterpillar: Ok.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Beetle: Where have you gone now? Hello! I know you’re here somewhere – there’s a trail of half-eaten food this way. Look at it – one piece of cherry pie, one sausage and one cupcake. And did you really need to take a bite out of one slice of watermelon? Come on. Come on out. Where are you? Oh.

Caterpillar: Hello.

Beetle: Hello. Can you help me? I’m looking for someone – he’s a caterpillar.

Caterpillar: Sorry. There’s no-one here but us butterflies.