The Alternative Mermaid sketch - Mercorabilia

Today I thought I'd put pen to paper (or rather finger to keyboard) to write up the alternative ending to Disney's The Little Mermaid that I'd previously come across. It's so simple! And obvious! Although it would have condensed the film quite considerably.
This much in fact:

Ursula: Oh - and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know.

Ariel: But I don't have any -

Ursula: I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is . . . your voice.

Ariel: My voice?

Ursula: You've got it, sweetcakes. No more talking, singing, zip.

Ariel: But without my voice, how can I -

Ursula: You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!
[singing] The men-

Ariel: Alright - deal.

Ursula: Do you mind? I was in the middle of my favourite number!

Ariel: Well, I do have a prince to catch.

Ursula: Fair enough. Sign here.

Ariel signs contract with faint smile on her lips.
Ursula: Paluga, sarruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea.
Now rings us glossitis and max laryngitis,
La voce to me!
Now . . . sing!

Ariel: [Sings.]

Ursula: Keep singing! 

Giant magical hands rip out Ariel's voice and take it to Ursula who stores it in her shell necklace. She laughs as Ariel is changed into a human and rushed to the surface by Flounder and Sebastian.

Fade to beach. Eric and Max are walking near castle.

Eric: [Playing flute.] That voice. I can't get it out of my head. I've looked everywhere, Max - where could she be? 

Max smells Ariel and gets excited.

Eric: Max? Huh . . . what, Max!

Max chases Ariel up onto a rock.

Eric: Max . . . Max - Quiet Max! What's gotten into you fella? [Sees Ariel.] Oh . . . Oh, I see. Are you O.K., miss? I'm sorry if this knucklehead scared you. He's harmless, really - . . . you . . . seem very familiar . . . to me. Have we met?

Ariel nods

Eric: We have met? I knew it! You're the one - the one I've been looking for! What's your name? 

Ariel mouths "Ariel" but no words come out.

Eric: What's wrong? What is it? You can't speak? 

Ariel shrugs.

Eric: Oh. Then you couldn't be who I thought. 

Ariel is trying to get his attention and mimes writing on her hand.

Eric: What is it? You want… you want something to write on? O-ok. Give me a minute.

Eric ferrets through his pockets and pulls out a scrap of paper and a stub of pencil

Eric: Here you go.

Ariel grabs the proffered instruments and begins to scribble away as best she can while Eric watches bewildered. After a while Ariel appears to get frustrated - what she wants to say won’t fit on the paper. She angrily crosses out what she’s written, turns the paper over and tries again. Once finished, she hands the paper to Eric who reads aloud.

Eric: “I am the one who saved you from the shipwreck. If you kiss me, I can prove it.” Oh. Oh, cool. Well, if it’s alright with you, miss.

Ariel nods – yes, it’s definitely alright with her. Eric leans forward and the two of them kiss.

Deep under the sea, Ursula’s shell necklace begins to glow.

Ursula: What the-? It can’t be.

The shell explodes and Ariel’s voice bursts out of it – singing the tune Ariel sang as it was taken - and rises to the surface; evading Ursula’s attempts to recapture it. It bursts out of the waves and heads straight for Ariel. Eric seems to recognise it. The ball of light collides with Ariel’s throat and Ariel’s voice is restored. Eric is stunned.

Ariel: Eric.

Eric: It really is you.

Ariel: I told you so.

Eric: Will you marry me?

Ariel: Of course.

Cut to: Eric & Ariel’s wedding ship leaves port. The merfolk rise up to wave her off. Ursula appears above the waves a short distance

Ursula: That little tramp.

Triton, who is a floating in front of Ursula, turns and sees her. His expression darkens and he raises his trident.

Ursula: Oh sh-

Triton: Ursula, stop!

Triton fires his trident and Ursula explodes into pieces. Satisfied, Triton turns back to watch the ship sail away.