New Year, new sketch - this one focusing on a plot point in one of Shakespeare's better known works to create a slightly different ending. Rather than use the unlucky title of this infamous tale to introduce it, I instead give you...
The Macduff Sketch
<Macbeth and Macduff are fighting>
Macbeth:
Thou losest labour
As easy mayst thou the intrenchant air
With thy keen sword impress as make me bleed
Let fall they blade on vulnerable crests
I bear a charmed life, which must not yield,
To one of woman born!
Macduff:
Despair thy charm
And let the angel whom thou still hast served
Tell thee, Macduff was from his mother’s womb
Untimely ripp’d!
<Pause while this sinks in>
Macbeth:
You what?
Macduff:
Er, I said… Macduff was from his mother’s womb
Untimely ripp’d.
Macbeth:
What difference does that make?
Macduff:
Well… you said you can’t be killed by anyone born from a
woman.
Macbeth:
Right.
Macduff:
And I wasn’t born – I was… untimely ripp’d!
Macbeth:
Yeah – but… you were technically still born, weren’t you?
Macduff:
<Pause> Sort of.
Macbeth:
And from a woman.
Macduff:
Might have been.
Macbeth:
So you were still of woman born.
Just ‘cause your mum had a caesarean it doesn’t mean you
magically appeared out of thin air. I mean, you still came out of her.
Macduff:
Suppose.
Macbeth:
Which means I don’t need to fear you. For I have been told by the spirits:
‘Fear not, Macbeth’ they said, ‘no man that's born of woman
Shall e'er have power upon thee.’
Macduff:
Right - there’s only one way to settle this.
<Macduff takes his sword and stabs Macbeth in the gut.
Macbeth cries out in agony and doubles over.>
Macbeth:
<Collapsing to the ground> Those b-witches!
