From The Mind of Merc - If I Ruled The World

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about an old Tony Bennett song.

Given the upcoming election, I found myself wondering what I would do - If I Ruled The World (this will no doubt be an ongoing list that I’ll continue to add to in the future):

- Anyone wanting plastic surgery would be given therapy instead to help them realise the beautiful person they are already

- If someone who is ill or diagnosed with a disease needs treatment that will help them and that treatment exists then it should be given to them (no question of cost – life comes first)

- If someone needs subsistence then it should be given to them (not taken away)

- Politicians would be on a performance related bonus – to be evaluated by the public (ergo no giving themselves pay rises (after all politicians used to be paid absolutely nothing)

- University education would be free (it was doable before so it should be again)

- Double jeopardy would be abolished (if you committed a crime there should be nothing to stop you being held accountable

- There would be no glass ceiling (or fast track)

- Education would teach everyone to treat everyone equally

- No tax cuts for the wealthy – tax would be a percentage

So I guess that would be my manifesto

Black Death Marks - !!!NEW!!!

New job this week has left little time for blog post writing but here's a new one I've managed to squeeze in. Based on a combination of a Christina Perri song and a popular fiction series.

Jar of Hearts Black Death Marks not by Christina Perri

I know I will never be safe ‘cause of you

You think that I’m the one to beat

Killed my parents, my friends and many more

Just because of that prophecy

You learned to live half alive

But now you’ve come back one more time

And who do you think you are?

Leaving your lightning scars

Recruiting through black death marks

And tearing lives apart

Your heart is growing cold

And you’ve broken up your soul

You're trying to kill me

Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But mum’s love made me strong

Which you’ll find out before too long

And you learned to live half alive

But now you’ve come back one more time

And who do you think you are?

Leaving your lightning scars

Recruiting through black death marks

And tearing lives apart

Your heart is growing cold

And you’ve broken up your soul

You’re trying to kill me

Who do you think you are?

And it won't be long 'til I win this fight
Remember I've more power than you realise

Won't let you forget the first time that we met

And I'll break all your horcruxes

Now that you're back

You won't get your power back

And who do you think you are?

Leaving your lightning scars

Recruiting through black death marks

And tearing lives apart

Your heart is growing cold

And you’ve broken up your soul

You’re trying to kill me

Won’t succeed at all

And who do you think you are?

Leaving your lightning scars

Recruiting through black death marks

And tearing lives apart

Your heart is growing cold

And you’ve broken up your soul

If you come for me

You are gonna fall

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who did you think you were?

Murder Mystery Estate Agents sketch - Mercorabilia

I’ve been watching a lot of murder mysteries recently and one thing (perhaps the most obvious thing) occurred to me - how on earth do local estate agents manage to sell any houses in the areas where the shows are based? You would have thought it’s the last place anyone would want to live. It must go something like this:

Agent: “Well, there you have it, Mrs Smith. A charming little bijou cottage. Thatched roof and diamond grill windows. And very close to all the local amenities”
Buyer: “And you’re sure this is perfectly safe area?”
Agent: “Oh yes – absolutely. Nothing ever happens in Midsomer.”
Barnaby: “Morning, Bill.”
Agent: “Ah, DCI Barnaby. Good morning. Off on your rounds I trust?”
Barnaby: “Oh, always something to do round here. Just off to another one. Better dash.”
Buyer: “Another one?”
Agent: “Greenhouse robbery, I expect.”
Buyer: “Oh dear.”
Agent: “Well now – where were we? Oh yes. Very close to all the local amenities, all mod cons…”
<sound of police car passing>
Buyer: “What’s all that about?”
Agent: “Oh, er, someone’s probably been caught jaywalking across the high street.”
<sound of ambulance passing>
Buyer: “And what was that?”
Agent: “Oh…er…Old Mrs Thompson’s probably fallen downstairs again. Shall we continue?”
Buyer: “Hmm. I must say this does seem to be a very accident prone village.”
Agent: “Oh, absolutely not. This is one of the safest places to be. You couldn’t wish for anywhere safer. Now as I was saying...
Buyer: “Are you absolutely sure there’s nothing about this area I should know?”
Agent: “Er…
Buyer: “Because all these police and ambulance and things you’d think that it was something out of a TV crime show.”
Agent: “Well… Now that you mention it…”
Buyer: “What? You mean this is where all those grisly murders have happened?”
Agent: “Er……yes.
Buyer: “Well, in that case I’ll definitely take it! 
Agent: “Pardon?”
Buyer: “Well, just think – to be right in the heart of such a famous area.”
Agent: “Uh…yes. Yes – absolutely. Shall we go in and sign some papers?”

Y.O.G.A. - !!!NEW!!!

A new parody song today whereby changing two letters in a song title changes the whole theme of the song.

"Y.M.C.A."

Hey girl, when you’re lost what to do.
I said, hey girl, I will give you a clue.
I said, hey girl, it’s up to you to choose
But I’ll tell you one thing I know.

Hey girl, looks like you need to chill.
I said, hey girl, put away all those pills.
I said, hey girl, follow me if you will
‘Cause there’s somewhere that you should go.

It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.
It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.

You’ll never know what you can do ‘til you try,
And so that is the reason why

It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.
It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.

You can get yourself fit, and you will feel just fine,
All while having a real good time...

Hey girl, looking much better now.
I said, hey girl, cleared away that old frown,
I said, hey girl, waste no time let’s get down
And show them just what you can do.

Hey girl, do you like what you see?
I said, hey girl, hold for a count of three
I said, hey girl, now try pose of a tree.
Look at that you’re on level two!

It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.
It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.

You’ll never know what you can do ‘til you try,
And so that is the reason why

It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.
It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.

You can get yourself fit, and you will feel just fine,
All while having a real good time...

Hey girl, good to see you again.
I said, hey girl, so nice you’ve brought a friend.
I said, hey girl, are you ready to bend.
Let’s get today’s class underway.

Hey girl, it’s so simple it’s true,
I said, hey girl, and relaxing to do.
I said, hey girl, it’ll stop you feeling blue
And will set you up for the day.

It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.
It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.

You’ll never know what you can do ‘til you try,
And so that is the reason why

It's fun so come and try Y.O.G.A.

Hey girl, hey boy, you can all join in too.
Hey girl, hey boy, it’s so easy to do.

Y.O.G.A.....you'll find that you like Y.O.G.A.

Hey girl, hey boy, you can all join in too.
Hey girl, hey boy, it’s so easy to do.

Y.O.G.A.....just go and do Y.O.G.A.

Hey girl, hey boy, do you like what you see?
Hey girl, hey boy, come and you will feel free