We Don't Talk About Pluto - !!!NEW!!!

The first time I heard (of) this song, this alternative lyric popped into my head and, of course, it had to be followed up.
(Apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda)

We Don’t Talk About Bruno We Don’t Talk About Pluto not from Encanto 

We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no!
We don't talk about Pluto... but

It was a wondrous day
It was a wondrous day
With my comparator, which I used to image the sky
I used it to image the sky

A year had passed ‘til I saw in that glass
What’s that?
Something new that was moving on by
That meant I had to look again

Sure enough what did I see?
What did I see there?
That moving shape, oh, could it be?
Soon it started becoming clear

It’s a new discovery
Such a wondrous day... but anyway

We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no!
We don't talk about Pluto!

Oh! Seventy years later and then everything it changes
Because that’s when they altered the criteria and ranges
And suddenly it’s future’s not looking so bold, no-no-no
‘Cause for a new status, it now exchanges
Could it be said of Pluto that it short changes
And now it seems that it has been left out in the cold
Get it? Pluto - cold

There’s no turning back
Kicked out of the system
‘Cause to IAU
Everyone listens
Suddenly it morphs
And becomes a dwarf

We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no! (We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no!)
We don't talk about Pluto (we don't talk about Pluto!)

It must orbit round the sun
Yes, though it’s slow (Oh, oh!)
It must have some gravity
Yes, it’s got that so… (So, so!)
It must be the biggest one that’s around,

I think that is… oh! (No, no! Oh!)
Seems Pluto don’t make the cut so it’s no go!

Although the existence of another planet fit with astrophysics
Although the long held presence meant it’s been added to pnemonics
It seems that Pluto’s had its day

Although the new classification means no Planet X
To solve the conundrum
We must now search again
Really? Or could it be that it’s not there (Must we now search again?)
We will not search again

Um, Pluto...
But what about Pluto...
I just wanted to know about Pluto...
Gimme the truth, just the truth on Pluto
(Shall we do it all one more time)
All together!

There’s no turning back (it was a wondrous day, it was a wondrous day)
Kicked out of the system (Had my comparator)
‘Cause to IAU (which I used to image the sky)
Everyone listens (I used it to image the sky!)

Suddenly it morphs (A year had passed ‘til I saw in that glass)
And becomes a dwarf (What’s that?)
Something new that was moving on by
That meant I had to look again

Sure enough what did I see (There’s no turning back, kicked out of the system)
What did I see there?
That moving shape, oh, could it be?
Soon it started becoming clear
It’s a new discovery
And so!

Don't talk about Pluto, no! (Why did I talk about Pluto?)
Not a word about Pluto!
I never should've brought up Pluto! 

From The Mind of Merc - Open & Shut Cases

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about homewreckers. Or, more specifically, a currently ongoing case. So apparently the Depp-Heard trial has gone to jury deliberation.

You wouldn’t think it’d take them that long considering it basically boils down to this:

Not to mention the number of times that Heard has been PROVEN to be a liar.

Hmm, tricky 🤔

Katherine Willoughby - !!!NEW!!!

A new historical parody song utilising a sting classic and a lesser known Tudor noblewoman.

Close To Me Katherine Willoughby not by The Police 

Young woman, the daughter
Of Spain’s nobility
Mother close to the queen
Was named for her, you see

Father died when seven
This girl's his only heir
Wardship bought by Charles Brandon
Is romance in the air?

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

Though betrothed to his son
This idea faded fast
When widowed he wed Kath
Yet this strange match would last

They were wed til his death
After things got complex
‘Cause she caught the King’s eye
Could it be she’d be next?

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

Outlived both king and wife
Her friend, Catherine Parr          
Made ward of her daughter
Sadly the girl won’t go far                     

Her ward and sons they died
She rewed to Bertie
Sent aboard for a bit
Came back when Liz was queen

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

Prince Of Black - !!!NEW!!!

Making a return to my historical parody songs with a mix of Rolling Stones and a Plantagenet prince.

Paint It Black Prince Of Black not by The Rolling Stones  

You see my armour
And you note it’s coloured black
Not gold, silver or white
It’s all coloured in black

I am the Prince of Wales
I’m the heir to the throne
Eldest son of the king
But my fate is my own

I see a mounted knight
Who’s waiting to attack
When I charge towards them
No courage I don’t lack

I will see them turn their heads
When my lance hits its mark
I am the last they see
Before everything goes dark

But I’m more than this and
I’ll earn my infamy
Become a great knight
And achieve my destiny

I lead a noble army
You do not want to mess with
When it comes to victory
For us it’s take not give

I’ve done so many things
And earned my great acclaim
Edward The Black Prince - yes you’ll
Remember my name

Yet despite all of this
I’m like the setting sun
My health deserts me
And soon my day is done

You see my armour
And you note it’s coloured black
Not gold, silver or white
It’s all coloured in black

See my coffin pass by
My armour it is on top
Soon now my son will rule
He’ll inherit the lot

I was the only prince of
Prince of black
Black as night
Black as coal
I was my father’s son
Cut down in my prime
I was the only prince of, prince of, prince of
Prince of black, yeah

From The Mind of Merc - Homewrecking

And now what would have been April's Mind of Merc post

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about homewreckers. Or, more specifically, a homewrecker. Much as I hate talking about the manipulative, abusive being that is Amber Heard there is a distinct pattern of destruction to her relationships.

1) Elon Musk
m. Talulah Riley 2010-2012 & 2013-2016
meets Amber Heard 2012
dated Amber Heard 2017 (pursued since 2012) 

2) Johnny Depp
partner Vanessa Paradis 1998-2012
meets Amber Heard 2011
dated Amber Heard 2012-2017 (m. 2015) 

3) Jason Momoa
partner Lisa Bonet 2005-2022 (m. 2017)
meets Amber Heard 2017 

I really hope I’m wrong about the last one. I would hate for anyone else to fall victim to that deceitful, cheating, poisonous creature.

No This Ain't Love - !!!NEW!!!

Song number 2 - a brief but famous Disney classic with a twist from a different Disney angle - namely Elsa's from Frozen

So This Is Love No This Ain’t Love not from Cinderella

No, this ain’t love, mmm
No, this ain’t love
No, this is what most would call lust
It’s clear to show, mmm
Why don’t you know (why don’t I know)
The key to true love is just time

See here’s the thing, mmm
You have just met
To know each other you must get
While this is enchanting
I must give you a shove
Mmm, mmm
No, this ain’t love

Pinbowling - !!!NEW!!!

Things kind of ran away from me these past 2 months (new job, new home). Now getting back on track with a bulk posting to catch with my usual blog contributions starting with a new parody song.

Tubthumping Pinbowling not by Chumbawumba

They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down

It's not an easy game, it’s not a tricky game
It takes a long time, it takes a short time
When you win it becomes one of the good times
With your mates it becomes one of the best times
(Oh that’s a strike, that’s a strike, that’s a strike)

They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down

It's not an easy game, it’s not a tricky game
It takes a long time, it takes a short time
When you win it becomes one of the good times
With your mates it becomes one of the best times
(Don’t care if it’s in the gutter)

They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s singing)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again (passing the time away)
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

From The Mind of Merc - Zelenskyy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the man that is Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Ukraine's president is garnering almost universal praise for his response to Russia's unprovoked attack on his country.

As with last month's Mind of Merc post, I think the reason for this adulation can be summed up in one online image:

And what do we have?

Alexander Boris de Pfeiffel Johnson

A man who:

-      Got a ‘deal’ for Brexit by literally BREAKING THE LAW! And lied to the Queen about it. And it’s crippling an already damaged economy.

-      Failed to take COVID seriously and adopted ‘herd immunity’ when a vaccine was still unavailable. Then ensured his Tory donors and cronies got business deals out of it. Then claimed the resulting test and trace system was world beating when it never worked – which he blamed on the NHS. And now has started charging for LFT tests.

-      Denied attending a party in lockdown – during a time when the Queen attended her husband’s funeral alone – despite their being photographic evidence to the contrary.

-      Defended every two-faced, lying, cheating, bullying member of his cabinet – e.g. Dominic Cummings, Matt Hancock, Priti Patel, the list just keeps going

-      Failed to act on the potentially life-saving recommendations from the report into Grenfell (in fact the Tories actively blocked it)

-      Is still trying to sell off the drastically underfunded and undersupported ‘failing’ NHS even though it’s surviving despite his best efforts.

-      Believes MPs deserve a £2,212 pay rise (for doing b*gger all) but nurses only deserve 1% for getting the country through the worst of the pandemix. And also that benefits should be cut but his own salary is too low

-      Was exposed by Greta Thunberg for exaggerating the success of the UK’s battle with carbon emissions

-      Runs a government famous for U-Turns – exhibit A: school exam results (Btw, Gavin Williamson is still education secretary.)

-      Serial adulterer whose current partner believes setting up a charity to fund redecorating 10 Downing Street is acceptable.
(By comparison, Zelenskyy’s wife – Olena Zelenska (his first and only spouse) is refusing to leave her husband in a warzone despite being on a Russian hitlist).

 

No comparison really, is there?

F*ck You - !!!NEW!!!

And secondly, a message I'm sure everyone who is not the (inhu)man himself is screaming at the top of their lungs.
(Yes - I know I've used it before but it's equally appropriate).

F*ck You not by Lily Allen

Look outside, look outside your tiny mind, and see what you’re doing
'Cause you’re not so macho
Just an asshole
With all the mis’ry that you bring 

So you say that it's okay to invade, well, we think you're just evil
You're just some dickhead causing all this bloodshed
Your point of view is disgraceful

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And so does your whole crew
And no-one thinks you are butch

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause your aim’s misguided
Need to be enlightened
You are just so out of touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick out of being so heartless?
You want to be a dictator, think glory will come later
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're heading for World War Three, and it's all avoidable

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And so does your whole crew
And no-one thinks you are butch

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause your aim’s misguided
Need to be enlightened
You are just so out of touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say, you think you need to go to war, well, nobody wants one
'Cause it's people like you that need to get slew
We all want you to do one

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And so does your whole crew
And no-one thinks you are butch

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause your aim’s misguided
Need to be enlightened
You are just so out of touch

Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you

Dear Mr Johnson - !!!NEW!!!

A double bill today.
First a message to our illustrious (in his mind) leader. Perhaps not the most appropriate song (🤮) but definitely an appropriate message.

Dear Future Husband Mr Johnson not by Meghan Trainor

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life

Think that you’re so great
Please give us a break
And don't ever think that we believe ev’rything you say
Yet after all you’ve done
Still think that you’re the one
Hard to believe
But words don’t deceive 

You’ve been in charge so long
So many goings on
So watch out or you’ll find out someday soon you are gone
Cos we are not that dumb
And we will not stay mum
We will use our clout
To get you voted out (yes) 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now) 

In a pandemic
It’s not politic
To look for ways to make yourself more money out of it
And it is always wrong
To risk lives for so long
Herd immunity?
Why, herd immunity? 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
Serve the masses
Not upper classes
It’s not too late you’ll find that there is still some time 

When there are people fleeing a dictator
Open doors for them and do not wait for later
Don't be a racist tw*t
Show you are more than that
This is your chance
To take the proper stance, yes 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now)
Now, oh
Mr Johnson, time to see the light