Food Glorious Food - !!!NEW!!!

I work for Fareshare - the food redistribution charity - which, at times of crisis like this, is increasingly relied upon to make up for the shortfall in the government's (mis)management of the country. For some incomprehensible reason (Tory self-aggrandisement), this need is only increasing leading to plaintive cries such as this:

Food Glorious Food not from Oliver
Is this what we voted for?
Watching poverty rates soar
So hungry it makes us sob      
Every day we pray they’ll change
Make living within our range?
Yet they say it’s not their job!
10 years ago, at the UK food banks,
They gave out sixty one thousand meals
But that’s now shot right up to over two million
Now just what about that is appeal(ing) 

Food, we all need food
It’s vital for living
Yet we're all eschewed
That’s not very giving
There seems there’s never enough
Why not is the question?
Yes that’s right you’ve got it, love
Tory (in)action

Food, we all need food
Can’t survive without it
With benefits cut
We cannot afford it
Yet we fund the MPs meals
It’s all become skewed
Oh food! We all need food!
We must have food, we all need food

Food we all need food
Forgot what it feels like
Not to go hungry
That’s now a daily fight
Watching the MPs growing fat
Our senses are reeling
Watching their bank accounts that
Hit the ceiling

Food we all need food
What would just it take for
Them to do their job
And to not shaft the poor                    
Why should they be allowed to
Forgo to include
Our food
‘Cause we need food
Where is the food
We must have food
Give us our food
We all need food
Where is the food

Gaslighting - !!!NEW!!!

Sometimes there are songs that are so easy to write because the words come so easily. Maybe it's because it's an important issue. Maybe because it's full of truth. Either way - here it is:
(I know I've used this tune before but it just fits so well)

Oom-pah-pah Gaslighting not from Oliver!
Isn’t it a pity
That deep in London city
There’s corruption so strong
That it’s causing a stink
Don’t be party to it
Realise that there’s more to it
And don’t let them tell you what it is you should think

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t ever fall for it now you’ve been told
That it’s called Gaslighting

Economy's broken
The government has spoken
Immigrants and unions it’s all down to them
How can it be that’s true
It’s not cos let me tell you
The Tories are the ones who should take the blame

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
The MPs are the ones hoarding the gold
By using Gaslighting

Look at the NHS
It’s got into a right mess
There’s no space for anyone and there’s no time
We’re told it’s the nurses
Who deserve all our curses
But blaming those heroes must be the real crime

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
We can’t let them win and we can’t let it fold
‘Cause of their Gaslighting

Cost of living crisis
Has turned us all to ices
'Cause we can’t afford to turn the heating on
Sunak thinks that maths will
Prove to be the miracle pill
But we know that that is one more Tory con

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t let them leave us all out in the cold
Not with their Gaslighting

Isn’t it a pity
That deep in London city
There’s corruption so strong
That it’s causing a stink
Don’t be party to it
Realise that there’s more to it
And don’t let them tell you what it is you should think

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t ever fall for it now you’ve been told
That it’s called Gaslighting

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t ever fall for it now you’ve been told
That it’s called Gaslighting

Come Meet The Prince - !!!NEW!!!

I realised that I hadn't yet done a parody song to commemorate the arrival of the newest addition to the royal family (as I did for Prince George and Princess Charlotte) so I thought I'd rectify that.

Consider Yourself Come Meet The Prince not from Oliver!

Yes, come on and meet the prince
Yes, come on and meet the little Prince Louis
We've taken to him so strong
And that’s why we’re now singing this song
Yes, come on and meet him now
Yes, come on and meet the newest royal babe
He’s quite a special person
Grandson
Of the heir to the kingdom

We’ve had a chance to see
Prince Georgie
And Charlotte too
They’re the other two
But now
There is a chance to meet
Somebody new to us all
Come with me I’ll show you how!
Yes come on and meet Prince Lou
The cause of all of this fuss
Now is the time for celebration, yes it’s true
So come on and meet his Highness!

Yes come on and meet
The prince
Yes come on and meet...
The little Prince Louis
We've taken to him
So strong
And that’s... why...
we’re now singing this song
Yes come on and meet...
Him now!
Yes come on and meet...
The newest royal babe
He’s quite a special person
Grandson
Of the heir to the kingdom

So come join the party - celebrate the new baby              
He’s a source of glee for all
But it is best to be polite to his family
They are royalty after all!

Yes come on and meet Prince Lou
The cause of all of this fuss
Now is the time for celebration yes it’s true
So come on and meet His Highness!

Yes, come on and meet the prince
Yes, come on and meet the little Prince Louis
We've taken to him so strong
And that’s why we’re now singing this song
Yes, come on and meet him now
Yes, come on and meet the newest royal babe
He’s quite a special person
Grandson
Of the heir to the kingdom

We’ve had a chance to see
Prince Georgie
And Charlotte too
They’re the other two
But now
There is a chance to meet
Somebody new to us all
Come with me I’ll show you how!
Me I’ll show you how!

Me I’ll show you

Me I’ll show you

Me I’ll show you

Me I’ll show you

Me I’ll show you how!

I'll show you how!

Yes, come on and meet the prince
Yes, come on and meet the little Prince Louis
We've taken to him so strong
And that’s why we’re now singing this song
Yes, come on and meet him now
Yes, come on and meet the newest royal babe
He’s quite a special person
Grandson
Of the heir to the kingdom

So come join the party - celebrate the new baby              
He’s a source of glee for all
But it is best to be polite to his family
They are royalty after all!

Yes come on and meet Prince Lou
The cause of all of this fuss
Now is the time for celebration yes it’s true...
So come on and meet
Come on and meet

Come on and meet

Come on and meet

Come on and meet

His Highness!

Who Will Try - !!!NEW!!!

Today the NHS turns 70! And I hope it's still around in 70 years time.

Who Will Buy Who Will Try not from Oliver!
ROSE-SELLER
Who will try to help the nurses? Soon there won’t be any. (Repeat 4 times.)

MILKMAID
Will you try to help resolve our distress? To help resolve our distress?

ROSE-SELLER
Who will try to help the nurses?

MILKMAID
To help resolve our distress?

ROSE-SELLER
Soon there won’t be any.

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
No, can’t let it go! No, can’t let it go!

MILKMAID & STRAWBERRY-SELLER (At same time)
MILKMAID: To help resolve our distress?
STRAWBERRY-SELLER: No, can’t let it go!

ROSE-SELLER
Who will try to help the nurses? 

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
No, can’t let it go!

MILKMAID & KNIFE GRINDER (At same time)
MILKMAID: To help resolve our distress?
KNIFE GRINDER: Now, save it now!

ROSE-SELLER
Who will try?

KNIFE GRINDER
We must save it now

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
No, can’t let it go!

ROSE-SELLER & MILKMAID (At same time)
ROSE-SELLER: Who will try to help the nurses?
MILKMAID: To help resolve our distress?

KNIFE GRINDER & STRAWBERRY-SELLER (At same time)
KNIFE GRINDER: Now, save it now!
STRAWBERRY-SELLER: No, can’t let it go!

ROSE-SELLER, KNIFEGRINDER, MILKMAID, & STRAWBERRY-SELLER
R.S.: Who will try to help the nurses?
KG: We must save it now
MM: To help resolve our distress?
SS: No, can’t let it go!

KNIFEGRINDER
Who will try?

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
Who will try?

MILKMAID
Who will try?

ROSE-SELLER
Who will try?

OLIVER
Who will try to save the NHS?
Did you know it’s now 70!

ROSE-SELLER
Who will try to help the nurses?

OLIVER
We can’t let the government sell it.
No - that would be a travesty!

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
No, can’t let it go!

OLIVER
We need to use it at our leisure
Whenever things go wrong
For we should view it as a treasure
That’s why I sing this song

MILKMAID
To help our distress?

OLIVER
Who will try to save the NHS?
Time is nigh, can’t let it go by

KNIFEGRINDER
Now, save it now!

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
No, can’t let it go!

OLIVER
Me, oh my! We don't want to lose it
So what are we to do
To keep it going through?
We must make sure that people try...

STRAWBERRY-SELLER
Who will try?

KNIFEGRINDER
Who will try?

MILKMAID
Who will try?

ROSE-SELLER
Who will try?

ALL
Who will try?

ALL:
Who will try to save the NHS?
Did you know it’s now 70!
We can’t let the government sell it.
No - that would be a travesty!

Oh no - I am not being funny
Its value’s beyond price
But if we do not find the money
It’ll be gone in a trice

Who will try to save the NHS?
Time is nigh, can’t let it go by
Me, oh my! We don't want to lose it
So what are we to do
To keep it going through?
We must make sure that people try...

WASHING WOMEN
Oh no - I am not being funny
Its value’s beyond price
But if we do not find the money
It’ll be gone in a trice

INSTRUMENTAL

ALL
Who will try to save the NHS?
Time is nigh, can’t let it go by
Me, oh my! We don't want to lose it
So what are we to do
To keep it going through?
It’s simple really we must try...

Try!

Reviewing the Situation - !!!NEW!!!

We have a new Princess Charlotte! Heartfelt congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and, to celebrate, a new parody song:

Reviewing The Situation Change To The Succession not from Oliver

Prince George will come first, there’s no doubt
But now there’s news (to) shout about
‘Cause though at first Kate and William had just one child of their own,
We’ve learnt that their little royal family has grown...

There’s a change to the royal succession
But this is not a real cause for much distress
‘Cause instead of one royal baby
We’ve now the addition of a new princess.
Yes her name is Charlotte and we know,
The world will watch her, as she grows,
And learns to be, a true lady,
A figurehead of monarchy.
We’ll love her dear and want to hear.
Her travels, both far and near...

‘Cause she is the fourth in line to the throne.

A girl like no oth(er), can’t you see,
Born and bred as royalty.
No ordinary child that’s for sure,
As her breeding will show
Her birth is important and something the people
--must know

There’s a change to the royal succession.
And with it Prince Harry now must make his peace!
Although George changed his situation,
He’s now been knocked down the list by his new niece.

Charlotte now comes before Harry.
She’s higher ranking progeny
Yet to this new part of his fam’ly,
He bears her no antipathy
No-one will love her quite like he.
He knows what life for her will be.
He’ll help her be what she can/must be

And to achieve her destiny

‘Cause she is the fourth in line to the throne.

So what does this mean – practically?
Who is this girl? Actually
Her family’s noble she’s
Related to queens and to kings...
So if you should wonder
The impact that this has on things...

There’s a change to the royal succession,
The queen must make adjustments to her will.
There’s a princess in the palace
Who will learn she has rather large shoes to fill
She’s the daughter of the queen’s grandson,
Her home will be at Kensington,
Her birth caused much celebration
The public love her no question
The crowds gathered outside the gate

To shout congrats to Will & Kate

‘Cause she is the fourth in line to the throne.

What happens when Prince George is king?
What does this change...everything.
‘Cause until Prince George weds
And his wife bears a child as his heir,
If you look to who comes next in line
You’ll find Charlotte there...

There’s a change to the royal succession.
But although she’ll have a life of luxury
She’ll be faced with great expectations
With her title comes a long list of duties
Just like her mother and father too,
She has a lot of work to do
Grand functions to attend on cue
All followed by her retinue
Her tasks will multiply it’s true
It is her job to see them through

‘Cause she is the fourth in line to the throne.

Hey!

 

Afternote: I've just learnt that the brilliantly talented actor who originally performed this song has sadly passed away - RIP Ron Moody - thoughts and prayers with your family.

To The Tower - Horrific Histories

Today's entry is from my Horrific Histories collection. It's one of the ones I did submit and got a thank you letter and a signed photo of the cast for my trouble.
It's a reimagining of Nancy's song from Oliver as if she was detailing some of the historic events concerning the Tower of London.

Oom-Pah-Pah To The Tower not from Oliver

Somewhere in the city
There is a sight so pretty
Been standing there for years
For more years
Than you know
William Conqueror built it,
Began the year ten six six
And I say it’s exactly where you all should go...

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where I goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
(There’s) secrets hidden beneath where the grass grows
So I say...to the tower!!

King Richard the Third had
A reputation for being bad--
Cause people said that he had killed his nephews.
Why should he have done it,
The throne? Already won it,
But it’s still an image
That he cannot refuse!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Did Richard do it? What do you suppose?
Still we say...to the tower!?
(Did Richard do it? What do you suppose?
Still we say...to the tower!? )

Pretty little Queen Anne
Was working on her grand plan,
To get the king to marry her and be his wife.
She’ll give him a daughter,
But not the child she oughta--
A year or two, and then she will
Pay with her life!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Was hers a real trial, or was it just show--
Still we say to the tower!

Jane was born a lady,
Descended from royalty--
Allowed the Earl to crown  'er, then marry 'er off
To be a queen is tryin'
And this one soon is dyin’
She's sure to bring a crowd in,
When her block’s knocked off!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Wishes to the crown she’d turned up her nose
Still we say... To the tower!

To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower!

To the tower! To the tower! To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower! To the tower! To the tower!

Somewhere in the city
There is a sight so pretty
Been standing there for years
For more years
Than you know
William Conqueror built it,
Began the year ten six six
And I say it’s exactly where you all should go...

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Staffed by Beefeaters and ravens not crows
Still we say...to the tower!!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
We’d all better get there before they close
So we say...to the tower!!

Third in line - Newsreview

For the third of October I thought I'd post 'Third in Line' a song from my Newsreview collection - which contains songs and sketches I wrote and submitted to Newsrevue at the Canal Café Theatre in London. (I'm still waiting to hear if they liked them or not.)
As it's intended to be topical it is massively out-of-date but in my defense it was penned last year shortly after the announcement of the impending arrival of a new addition to the Royal family.

Oom-pah-pah Third In Line not from Oliver
Heard the news today?
(The) Duke and Duchess they say
They are to be parents
They've a babe on the way
Quite a special story
It's Kate's moment of glory
Cos this is no ordinary child - no way!

Third in line! Third in line!
That's what it'll be
Third in line! Third in line!
And then you'll see
(A) Middleton grandchild will rule us and we
Bow to the third in line!

Over a year ago
The royals put on a grand show
When Prince William wed to his fair young Kate
Crowds of folks gathered round
It was the talk of town
For them to start a family we just couldn't wait!

Third in line! Third in line!
That's what it'll be
Third in line! Third in line!
Cos soon went she
From a McQueen dress to (a) hospital gown
She'll have the third in line!

Diana and Prince Charles
Got married and were all smiles
And soon after they had not one babe but two
Prince Harry and William
The heirs to the kingdom
But now we've another royal
Joining the queue!

Third in line! Third in line!
That's what it'll be
Third in line! Third in line!
And then you'll see
Harry's no longer, the next after Wills
Cos of the...third in line!

They met at St Andrews
And soon each other did choose
They moved into Anglesey and then Kensington
Now we just can't wait
We hope you're better soon Kate.
Now it's your chance to help us
And join in this song!

Third in line! Third in line!
That's what it'll be
Third in line! Third in line!
And then you'll see
A royal babe wand'rin round palaces and,
You'll know they're third in line!

Heard the news today?
(The) Duke and Duchess they say
They are to be parents
They've a babe on the way
Quite a special story
It's Kate's moment of glory
Cos this is no ordinary child - no way!

Third in line! Third in line!
That's what it'll be
Third in line! Third in line!
And then you'll see
(A) Middleton grandchild will rule us and we
Bow to the third in line!!

Third in line! Third in line!
That's what it'll be
Third in line! Third in line!
And then you'll see
(A) Middleton grandchild will rule us and we
Bow to the third in line!!