Door number 31:
Happy New Year! All the best for 2026
In my spare time I write parody songs, sketches and captions which I’ve decide to post here on my blog. You’ll be able to tell my eclectic comedy taste from some of the references and I freely admit my influences include Spike Milligan, Ronnie Barker, John Finnemore and Michael Bernstein (my Year 8 English teacher). The blog title is from Queen Victoria being famously misquoted as saying “We are not amused” so I’m using the correct quote, as mentioned in her diaries, of “I was very much amused"
It's time for this year's caption advent calendar. This year it's full of stranger things!
Door number 1:
Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Trump. Or, more specifically, Trump’s mental decline.
It is clear, whichever way you look at it, that there is
something seriously wrong with the mental state of the President of the United
States. I’m not referring to his racism, sexism, misogyny, narcissism or any of
his other long-held and discriminatory beliefs (which could arguably, from my
perspective, be referred symptoms of mental instability) but there are clear
signs that the President is suffering from an increasingly severe cognitive
decline.
Evidence includes:
Factor in a family history of history of dementia – Trump’s father, Fred Trump Sr. was diagnosed with dementia 8 years before he died and his niece, Mary Trump, has said she’s noticed similar symptoms in Trump that she saw in his father – and the probability of the president exhibiting at the very least early signs of the disease are too undeniable to ignore.
The trouble is, with Republicans controlling the government,
and Trump being their golden goose, it is likely – however hypocritically given
the focus that was directed at Biden’s mental health and capacity to operate
efficiently in his role as President – that little will be done to prevent the
President’s decline from impacting his work, our lives and the United States as
a whole. And, when the man in charge of a country is using his personal
affronts and perceived slights as the basis for national policy – like when Trump
called off trade negotiations with Canada after taking a dislike to a viral
video posted by Doug Ford, the Premier of Ontario, featuring Ronald Reagan
speaking out against tariffs - this becomes a dangerous game for anyone to play
or to allow to be played.
And the second one being a parody of the Walt Whitman poem made famous by the film Dead Poets Society (and set at the end of the last 9th Doctor episode - The Parting of the Ways).
O Captain! My Captain! O Doctor! My Doctor! not by Walt Whitman
O Doctor! My Doctor! The battle now is done;
The ships have all been destroyed, Daleks gone - every
one;
Your Rose is here, her mind unclear, the time
vortex is pulsing,
Her golden eyes reveal her deed, and also that she’s
dying:
O her head! head!
head!
She
can’t ignore its strong call!
Be
not afraid the Doctor’s here,
He
will save us all.
O Doctor! My Doctor! Step up to help the girl;
Step up—for you she did this thing—for you she saved
the world;
For you she came back and fought —for you she
stands there glowing;
It’s you she needs, to stop the pain, your resolve
now is showing;
The Doctor! Will
help her!
And
save her from her fall;
He
reaches out, his lips touch hers,
And
he will save us all.
The Doctor catches her then, and lays her on the floor;
Rose wakes from her salvation and wonders what
went before;
The Doctor’s face now shows a pain, he knows his
time is done;
Though neither want, neither can staunch, the
process has begun;
Golden light
flares, and then it fades!
A
new man stands there tall,
A
diff’rent face (yet) still we know,
He
will save us all.
[Verse 1]
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
So tell me which Doctor you think is just the best (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
So tell me which Doctor you think is just the best (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
We must know which doctor is better than the rest
[Chorus]
So tell me
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
McCoy McGann Eccleston Tennant Smith Capaldi
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
McCoy McGann Eccleston Tennant Smith Capaldi
[Verse 2]
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Just pick out which doctor you think is best of all (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Just pick out which doctor that is your number one (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
To help choose which doctor, here’s who you can choose from
[Chorus]
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
McCoy McGann Eccleston Tennant Smith Capaldi
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
McCoy McGann Eccleston Tennant Smith Capaldi
[Bridge]
It might be so difficult, for you to pick your fav’rite
But if you are to’tly true and honest
There’s always one who stands out even if you won’t admit it
Deep down you know who you think is the best
[Chorus]
Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee)
Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee)
Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee)
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
Come on who?
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
McCoy McGann Eccleston Tennant Smith Capaldi
Hartnell Troughton Pertwee Baker Davison Baker
McCoy McGann Eccleston Tennant Smith Capaldi
(Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee))
(Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee))
(Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee))
(Hartnell Troughton Pert (wee))
Tbh, I'm not completely sold on this - it's a bit of tongue twister and only goes up to Capaldi. But the only way I could fit all of them in and make it scan was to do it as numbers, which goes like this:
[Verse 1]
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
So tell me which Doctor you think is just the best (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
So tell me which Doctor you think is just the best (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
We must know which doctor is better than the rest
[Chorus]
So tell me
One two three or four five six seven eight nine or ten
Or eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen which one?
One two three or four five six seven eight nine
or ten
Or eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen which one?
[Verse 2]
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Just pick out which doctor you think is best of all (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Just pick out which doctor that is your number one (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
To help choose which doctor, here’s who you can choose from
[Chorus]
One two three or four five six seven eight nine or ten
Or eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen which one?
One two three or four five six seven eight nine
or ten
Or eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen which one?
[Bridge]
It might be so difficult, for you to pick your fav’rite
But if you are to’tly true and honest
There’s always one who stands out even if you won’t admit it
Deep down you know who you think is the best
[Chorus]
One two three or four
One two three or four
One two three or four five six seven eight nine or ten
Come on who?
One two three or four five six seven eight nine or ten
Or eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen which one?
One two three or four five six seven eight nine
or ten
Or eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen which one?
(One two three or four)
(One two three or four)
(One two three or four)
(One two three or four)
Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today (probably because of my last parody) I was thinking about J K Rowling.
I will admit I am a huge fan of the Harry Potter series and
I still greatly enjoy reading and listening to it through audiobooks. However,
I agree it has been massively tainted by the transphobic views expressed by its
author, J. K. Rowling.
There have some who have tried to defend her saying her comments aren’t offensive (Robbie Coltrane), that they’re “simple facts on biology.” (Rishi Sunak) and even Rowling herself has denied the label claiming she wants trans people to be free from discrimination and abuse. But when someone sets up a foundation that directly supports those opposing trans causes, I think it becomes almost impossible to argue otherwise.
The J K Rowling Women’s Fund is ‘a legal fighting fund for women protecting their sex-based rights’. It avows that it seeks to support those who have “lost their livelihoods or are facing tribunals because of their expressed beliefs” or are “being forced to comply with unreasonable inclusion policies regarding single sex spaces and services”. However, what that means or translates to is the fund is can be used by those/is dedicated to fighting against transgender rights "in the workplace [and] in public life”
It’s such a shame that after all the good she’s previously done including founding the Anne Rowling Clinic, the Volant Trust and the children’s charity Lumos – in fact she knocked herself off of the Forbes Rich List due to her charitable giving – and the people she’s helped (including myself), that she is now apparently prepared to die on this hill - that when you “throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.” The irony of that stance being her own views pose a distinct and even clearer threat to transpeople and their rights.
Rowling has previously expressed her reasoning for her views
as follows: “If sex isn’t
real, the lived reality of women globally is erased [and] erasing the concept
of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives.”
Aside
from the fact that this doesn’t make sense as a) the point of transgender is to
enable to someone to find and live their true identity and not ‘erase
the concept of sex’ and b) even if it did ‘erase the concept of sex’, whatever
happened in people’s lives will still have happened and can be discussed and
related to – this ostensibly noble cause has some deeply problematic elements:
Rowling’s discriminatory stance opens the door for even more
extreme views and, sadly, violent actions of those who are even more strongly
against the existence of transpeople.
Just as the appointment of Donald Trump as President in 2016
meant that previously concealed racist and misogynist people and views came to
the fore under the impression that the ascension of the man who quite clearly
shared their views meant said views were now acceptable, doing something that
could be perceived to negatively impact the rights and existence of others –
such as the transgender community – likewise can be and is interpreted by those
vehemently opposed to the existence of transpeople as confirmation and approval
of their own hate-filled views.
Since 2011-12 the number of hate crimes recorded by police
has more than tripled and 2022-23 saw an 11% rise in hate crimes against
transgender people compared to the previous year.
In 2023, 16 year old transgender Brianna Ghey in 2023 was
killed in an “exceptionally brutal” attack by two 15 year old students
It’s unclear if Rowling doesn’t see this or doesn’t care (although her support of anti-trans actions such as her defence of Maya Forstater who was sacked due to transphobic comments and her retweeting of posts by transphobic activists like Katherine Deves sadly suggests the latter)
Consequently, even if it’s supposedly ‘not what she means’,
it doesn’t change the fact that if you wish to view yourself as an ally of the
LGBTQIA+ community, you CANNOT align yourself with Rowling and her deeply
problematic views which pose a threat to those she claims she respects. And it
is worrying that so many – including Harry Potter stars – are seemingly fine
with doing so.
Turning a transphobe's writings to good use - supporting the efforts of the should-have-been-President Bernie Sanders.
Weasley Bernie Is Our King not by J K Rowling
Bernie is our King,
Bernie is our King,
He won’t let the racists win.
Bernie is our King.
Bernie knows what’s occurring,
He sees through Trump’s crazy spin,
That's why sane people all
sing,
Bernie is our King!
Continuing the anti-Trump parodies (because it's deserved and I won't stop until he's gone)
Karma chameleon – karma come on get him
He’s been in office since Jan ‘25
Since then the US has taken a dive
He’s done wrong (done wrong) and been convicted
He’s done wrong (done wrong ) but doesn't care
(He) don’t like to (like to) be contradicted
But fair is fair, but fair is fair
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma - come on - get him
Cos fair is fair, cos fair is fair
Cannot allow him to behave quite so atrociously
Want to be free, want to be free
Can’t stand to hear his foul words
every day
Hardly anyone around wants him to stay
He’s has trashed (has trashed) the economy
His tenure (tenure), has been too long
He’s racist (racist), and he’s a bigot
Want to be free, want to be free
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma - come on - get him
Cos fair is fair, cos fair is fair
Cannot allow him to behave quite so atrociously
Want to be free, want to be free
Every day is like more torture
(more torture)
We’ve had enough (had enough), and need a cure
Every day is like more torture (more torture)
We’ve had enough (had enough), and need a cure
He’s done wrong (done wrong) and
been convicted
He’s done wrong (done wrong ) but doesn't care
Don’t like to (like to) be contradicted
But fair is fair, but fair is fair
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma - come on - get him
Cos fair is fair, cos fair is fair
Cannot allow him to behave quite so atrociously
Want to be free, want to be free
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma - come on - get him
Cos fair is fair, cos fair is fair
Cannot allow him to behave quite so atrociously
Want to be free, want to be free
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma - come on - get him
Cos fair is fair, cos fair is fair
Cannot allow him to behave quite so atrociously
Want to be free, want to be free
Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma - come on - get him
Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Kilmar Abrego Garcia.
In the unlikely event that you haven’t heard of the complete sh*tshow that is the case of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, here’s a timeline of how it’s gone so far:
A DHS
official claims they’re "prepared to facilitate Abrego Garcia's presence
in the United States ... if he presents at a port of entry" -- but adds they
don’t have the authority to extract him from "a foreign sovereign
nation."
Sen.
Chris Van Hollen of Maryland travels to El Salvador to meet with Abrego
Garcia.
Sen. Van
Hollen succeeds in meeting with Abrego Garcia in El Salvador
April 18:
Sen. Van Hollen reveals Abrego Garcia was transferred 9 days ago to
another facility.
Trump
posts a picture on Truth Social of Abrego Garcia’s hand with his tattoos
annotated to imply connections to MS-13. Trump claims the annotations are also
tattooed on his hand.
Abrego
Garcia makes his initial court appearance.
June 9:
Federal prosecutors argue that Abrego Garcia poses "a serious risk of
flight,"
Abrego
Garcia's attorneys argue the wrongful deportation case is not over until the
government is "held accountable" for "its blatant, willful, and
persistent violations of court orders at excruciating cost to Abrego Garcia and
his family."
Judge
Xinis says that the federal government is "absolutely forbidden" from
deporting him.
Judge
Xinis temporarily blocks the Trump administration from deporting
Abrego Garcia until at least early October when his latest deportation court
challenge is expected to be resolved.
So, to sum up, he was deported illegally, it was made clear
he should have been brought back ASAP but wasn’t and that nothing’s been proven
against him and Trump and his goons have basically stuck two fingers up at the
law and said ‘F you – we’re doing it anyway.” So much for the land of the
free(!)
And the 2nd. And no more censoring my language over this topic.
Get Out (Right Now) Fuck Off (Krasnov)
We've had enough of all this
bullshit dude
It’s crazy and also hella rude
You think that we will do whatever we’re told. Always
Even though that’s never worked before
Surely you should now know the score
And realise we will never be controlled
(We never thought you would or
could)
Mess things up quite so bad,
uh
(Now that you have and so we want)
To stop this MAGA fad
Fuck off (leave) Krasnov
We want you out right now
You spread hate (yeah) through your mandates but we’ve had enough
'Cause we know that you are (what?)
A monster (true) and we just want you gone
You think that you’re a genius
You couldn’t be any more wrong (you’re so wrong)
Tell me why you find this such
a shock
When it’s shouted from every city block
How can you keep all of that out?
It might not be what you may want to hear
But we’ll make the message loud and clear
For just however long we have to shout
(You’ve had your time and
you’ve had your fun)
Definitely not fun for us
(We now want an end to your run)
Get out and do not make a fuss
Fuck off (leave) Krasnov
We want you out right now
You spread hate (yeah) through your mandates but we’ve had enough
'Cause we know that you are (what?)
A monster (true) and we just want you gone
You think that you’re a genius
You couldn’t be any more wrong (you’re so wrong)
Made people think you’re on
their side
That all that you say is always right
But the truth is opposite
So you try to flip the script,
And distract from what you have done(oh)
You just look out for number one (oh)
But we won’t be silenced
Even if we are sentenced (oh, oh)
Fuck off (leave) Krasnov
We want you out right now
You spread hate (yeah) through your mandates but we’ve had enough
'Cause we know that you are (what?)
A monster (true) and we just want you gone
You think that you’re a genius
You couldn’t be any more wrong (you’re so wrong)
Fuck off (leave) Krasnov
We want you out right now
You spread hate (yeah) through your mandates but we’ve had enough
'Cause we know that you are (what?)
A monster (true) and we just want you gone
You think that you’re a genius
You couldn’t be any more wrong (you’re so wrong)
Fuck off (leave) Krasnov
We want you out right now
You spread hate (yeah) through your mandates but we’ve had enough
'Cause we know that you are (what?)
A monster (true) and we just want you gone
You think that you’re a genius
You couldn’t be any more wrong (you’re so wrong)