Turbulent Priest sketch - Mercorabilia

Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, was murdered on the orders of King Henry II in 1170. But did Henry really mean it?  

Knight: My lord.
King: Ah, it’s my loyal band of knights. Where have you been?
Knight: On our latest quest, my lord. As you ordered?
King: Er… as I ordered?
Knight: Yes – we heard your command, my king, and we hurried to Canterbury to obey it.
King: Right. And… er… what order might that have been?
Knight: You said you wanted someone to get rid of a troublesome clergyman.
King: Did I?
Knight: You did. We all heard you – you said, “Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?” So…
King: Ah. I see the problem. I only said that because I was really angry with him. But it was a heat of the moment thing. I didn’t actually mean it.
Knight: Oh. Well, I wish you’d let us know that before.
King: Before?
Knight: Well, you said you wanted to him dealt with.
King: Uh-huh.
Knight: So we have.
King: What do mean you have?
Knight: We killed him.
King: You did what?
Knight: Killed him. You wanted rid. So we got rid.
King: You killed an archbishop.
Knight: You told us too.
King: No I didn’t!
Knight: Well, we thought you did.
King: Oh, for pity’s sake. I didn’t mean… If I said I wanted you to jump off a cliff….
Knight: If you insist, sire. Boys – new mission. Let’s go!
King: No, no, come back. I wasn’t being serious… Surely you can tell the difference between a fit of pique and a royal command.
Knight: It’s not our duty to question orders, my lord. If someone says they want someone to rid them of a turbulent priest then what else are we supposed to assume except that you want someone to rid you of a turbulent priest.
(King: Well, I think that’s proves what happens when you assume something – you make an ass out of u and me.
Knight: I wouldn’t say we made an ass of him. More of a shish kebab.)
King: But they weren’t orders. They were just… oh, I don’t know. Now what am I going to do about all this mess?
Knight: Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that. I imagine the monks will clean it up.
King: Not that mess, you idiots! Have you any idea how angry the pope’s going to be when he hears about this.
Knight: Well, I don’t suppose he’ll be too pleased.
King: Pleased? I’ll be lucky if I don’t get excommunicated. And you lot will be for it too. You’ll probably be excommunicated as well. If Becket’s followers don’t get hold of you first. An eye for an eye and all that.
Knight: Good point. What are we going to do?
King: Well, I hear Scotland’s very nice this time of year. Better than the local cemetery.
Knight: Right, sire. Boys – good news – the boss has decided to give us a holiday. The bad news is we need to take it now. And fast. Scarper!
King: What a knightmare!