Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the infuriating hashtag which is #notallmen.
I'm not going to go into a lot of argument about the topic. Instead, I'm just going to say this:
I wrote another sketch today.
A:
I’m Malone
B:
Aren’t we all?
A:
What? No I mean I’m Malone. Steve Malone.
B:
I know. What else do you expect at this Malone family reunion?
A:
So you’re…
B:
Malone. I’m Malone too. Hello. Bob Malone.
A:
Right. Well, nice to meet you. <pause> So you didn’t think I said ‘I’m
Alone’ just then?
B:
No. Why would I? Quite clearly you’re not. None of us are. There’s several
hundred of us just in this one room so why would think you’re alone.
A:
Well, I’m not with anyone. I could have lost the person I was with so I could
be alone. Er… technically we could all said to be alone, you know, in this
great big world of ours…
B:
I see. <pause> Well, I didn’t think any of that.
A:
Right. Good.
B:
Good.
<pause>
A:
So do you come here often?
B:
What?!?
A: T-to the reunion, I mean.
B:
Oh, yes. Every year.
A:
Really? Cos I’ve not seen you here before.
B:
Well, that’s not that strange, is it? Because, as I just said, there’s
absolutely hundreds of us here. So the chances of us running into the same
people all the time must be pretty slim.
A:
Yeah, but big family or not, it’s more than likely we’ll all see everyone who’s
here at some point so I’m just wondering how come I haven’t seen you before.
<pause>
B:
Alright. I lied. I’m not really a Malone. I’m a Jameson. It’s just… I saw this
big party and it looked so amazing and I just wanted to join in.
A:
You mean you gatecrashed someone else’s party? Why on earth would you do that?
B: Well… I guess it’s because… I’m alone.
I wrote this sketch today.
F: I wuv you
M:
I wuv you too
F: How much do you wuv me?
M:
So much so that I’m going to give you… my last rolo
F:
Aw, thanks baby
M:
Because I know how much you wuv chocolate
F:
<Pause> Are you saying I’m fat?
M:
What? No! I was just saying you love chocolate
F:
Which implies I’m fat
M:
No it doesn’t! Of course it doesn’t. It just implies you have a sweet tooth
F:
Because I like chocolate so much I eat it all the time and am consequently a
huge porker
M:
No I didn’t… Oh for pity’s sake <eats rolo> satisfied?
F:
You ate the rolo
M:
I know
F:
You ate your last rolo
M:
But you didn’t want it
F:
I never said that!
M:
Oh for f- fine! Next time we’re at the shops I’ll get you your own packet of
rolos
F:
Are you saying I’m greedy?
M:
Oh bloody hell!
