Speech-wrecker XII - Mercorabilia

A short one today and a return to my Speech-wrecker series.
This time the target is the infamous speech by Liam Neeson in the action film Taken but rewritten from the perspective (and, if you can imagine it, in the distinctive Yorkshire accent) of Sean Bean.

Bean Mills: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have is a very particular reputation; a reputation I have acquired over a very long career. A reputation that make you a nightmare for people like me. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and you will kill me.

Peter Pan sketch - Mercorabilia

A month long cold has delayed any posts recently but I'm determined to keep going. So here is my latest creation imagining one of the problems Peter Pan might encounter in the modern world.

Michael: Are we there yet?

Wendy: I’m sure it won’t be long, Michael.

Peter: Keep going gang! Not long now!

John: He said that half an hour ago

Wendy: John! Manners. Peter – just how much further is it to Neverland?

Peter: Well, to be honest, Wendy – I would have thought we’d be there by now

John: Told you.

Wendy: John!

Peter: I can’t understand it. Second star on the right and straight on until morning. It’s simple.

Wendy: A star?!? You mean all this time we’ve been following a star?

Peter: Of course.

Wendy: But, Peter – there’s such a lot of cloud cover tonight. How could even see a star?

Peter: How could I not, Wendy. It was right there. Blinking away at us.

Wendy: Blinking? Oh, Peter – that wasn’t a star – it was an aeroplane.

Peter: A what?

Wendy: No wonder it was taking so long.

John: I knew he didn’t know where he was going

Peter: I don’t understand – what is an aeroplane?

Wendy: It’s a big metal machine that flies people across the world. 

Peter: Really? How many people does it fly?

Wendy: Oh, I don’t know. Dozens I imagine

Peter: Wow! That must use a lot of pixie dust!

John: It doesn’t use pixie dust.

Peter: Well, that’s very inconsiderate! They’re in danger of putting the fairies out of business. Next you’ll be telling me it doesn’t require happy thoughts.

John: It doesn’t. Quite unhappy thoughts usually.

Peter: So if there's no magic involved - and no happy thoughts - why would people want to use it?

John:  Who can say. It still seems remarkably popular though. 

Michael: Wendy, are we still going to Neverland?

Wendy: Good point, Michael. Peter, may I ask exactly what you plan to do now?

Peter: Hmm. I don’t suppose you’d settle for Northumberland?

Downton Abbey Advent Calendar - 31

Door no. 31:
(Had to be done given the name of my blog)

All the best for 2020!