Tiggywinkle sketch - Mercorabilia

Taking a leaf out of one of my favourite sketch writers book today and putting simple twist on a classic.
(I wrote two versions of this sketch - I may share the other one at a later date) but in the end decided this was my favourite.)


Customer: Excuse me.
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Yes, dear?
Customer: Are you Mrs. Tiggywinkle?
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Yes, dear. How can I help you?
Customer: I have a complaint.
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Oh, dear.
Customer: Yes. It’s about this shirt I gave you. See?
Mrs Tiggywinkle: What about it, dear?
Customer: Well, look at it! It’s covered in puncture marks.
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Oh, dear.
Customer: And this bit here looks like someone’s been nibbling at it.
Mrs Tiggywinkle: So it does.
Customer: And what is this?!? It looks like sh-
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Well, what do you expect when you ask a hedgehog to do your laundry for you?
Customer: Well, it’s not good enough. What are you are you going to do about it?
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Erm… sorry – we’re closed (curls up into a ball)
Customer: Come out of there!
Mrs Tiggywinkle: (muffled) Sorry, dear – I can’t hear you.
Customer: I said come out. Or I’ll report you to Trading Standards
Mrs Tiggywinkle: (hurriedly unrolling) You wouldn’t do that, dear.
Customer: Oh yes, I would.
Mrs. Tiggywinkle: Well, I suppose it probably wouldn’t matter if you did. I’ve been thinking about giving it all up anyway – the laundry business. I thought I might try my hand at veterinary care.
Customer: Really?
Mrs Tiggywinkle: Yes. Do you think I’d be any good?
Customer: Well, you couldn’t do much worse than you did at laundry
Mrs Tiggywinkle: (brightly) Thank you
Customer: That wasn’t a compliment
Mrs Tiggywinkle: (dejectedly) I know