Former Fairest of Them All - Mercorabilia

Time for another alternative Disney ending. This time, what if Snow White had paid more attention to the lives of her housemates.

Evil Queen: Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who is the fairest of us all?

Magic Mirror: If truly the fairest you seek, over your shoulder take a peek.

Evil Queen: What the-?

Snow White: Hello.

Evil Queen: Snow White! What are you doing here?

Snow White: What you mean in my father’s castle – which I technically own now he’s dead.

Evil Queen: Well, I- he- you-

Snow White: Let me save you the trouble. You see – after your assassination attempt (cute huntsmen by the way), I just happened to come across these 7 dwarves who took me in and in exchange for my bed and board they hired me as their housekeeper and cook while they went out working all day.

Evil Queen: Really.

Snow White: Yes. So anyway, one day I decided to ask what they did all day and it turns out they spend their whole time digging up tons and tons of these sparkling – and highly valuable - gems.

Evil Queen: They what?

Snow White: Mmm. Which they weren’t actually using for anything so, naturally being quite hot in the brains department as well as beauty, I thought I might as well put these to good use.

Evil Queen: Oh, yes. How exactly?

Snow White: Well, you know those guards of yours who you told to make sure I didn’t enter the castle under any circumstances.

Evil Queen: Yes.

Snow White: Well, long story short, turns out I pay better than you do so now they work for me.

Evil Queen: Damn.

Snow White: Yeah. Guards!

Guard: Yes, your majesty.

Snow White: Take away this former fairest of them all and lock her away in the highest room of the tallest tower.

Guard: Why would we put her there?

Snow White: I don’t know – it just sounds good.

Guard: Is she to just have bread and water?

Snow White: Oh, no – that would be cruel. Tell you what – she can have this apple as well.