Cassandra sketch - Mercorabilia

Cassandra is a famous soothsayer and Princess of Troy who was blessed with gift of prophecy but cursed in that she would never be believed.

She apparently predicted the downfall of Troy (following Helen’s arrival), the deception of the Greeks with the Trojan Horse and her own death at the hands of (Helen’s sister and) King Agamemnon’s wife, Clytemnestra.

Now, I don’t know about you but if I was Cassandra I would have cottoned on to this ‘curse’ pretty soon and it wouldn’t have taken much for me to turn it around.

For example, take the Trojan Horse - if she’d turned her curse on its head then the situation could have gone a bit like this:

Cassandra: I’m telling you! It’s full of Greek soldiers. If you bring that into the city then they’ll run rampage through the streets and kill everyone.

Trojan soldier: Don’t be daft! The Greeks are long gone. We saw to that. Look outside – their camp’s deserted. They’ve all run away like little cowards.

Cassandra: But that’s only a ploy! They’re pretending they’ve run away so you’ll decide to ‘steal’ their offering to the Gods! That horse is completely hollow!

Trojan soldier: Rubbish! Good craftsmanship that is. You can tell just by looking at it. Solid as a rock.

Cassandra: But I’m telling you! It’s… you know what – you’re right. Of course there’s nothing wrong with it. I can see that absolutely nothing bad will happen if you bring that horse inside these walls.

Trojan soldier: Hmm. Very suspicious. Alright lads, get it open.

<boards ripped apart as the soldiers break in>

Greek soldier: Ah. Um, hello. Fancy seeing you here. Yes, we were just checking it over before we left with the others.

Trojan soldier: Really? So what are you doing with those swords?

Greek soldier: Oh, well, that’s in case we find any… woodworm.

Cassandra: Somehow I don’t see this ending well for them.

Trojan solider: Now that’s the first thing you’ve got right.

Cassandra: <sigh>