Thursday 30 June 2016

From The Mind of Merc - ecigarettes

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about ecigarettes.

So it turns out ecigarettes may not be as good as was originally thought. To which I would like to say: No sh*t, Sherlock! So you’re not inhaling nicotine, tar and goodness knows what else into your lungs – you’re still inhaling chemicals into your lungs which could (and now seems potentially do) have major negative effects on your health.
The main issue here/cause of this misconceived view seems overall to be down to the fact that the view of or approach to ecigarettes has become twisted – the focus has been extolling or emphasising claims such as ‘they’re not as bad as cigarettes’. Yeah, and shooting yourself in the foot’s not as bad as shooting yourself in the head – you still get shot (and the former can still kill you).
Another favourite is ‘they can help you wean yourself of cigarettes’... by giving you currently unknown health defects as a result of the health risk that ecigarettes are increasingly found to represent.
By switching from cigarettes to ecigarettes you are not going from bad to good you are going from a known health risk to an unknown health risk – both cause harm, both poison your body, both will kill you.

As you may be able to tell, I am a vehement anti-smoker although I am also extremely pro-choice meaning I understand and respect that it’s your choice and I’m not going to tell you what to do – just mourn the impending pointless loss of life through societal ignorance.

Tbh, this is not uncommon - ecigarettes are just the latest in a centuries-long series of fads of supposedly marvellous or miraculous new products which have turned out to be deadly/harmful.
From ancient times, a popular beauty regime included using make-up containing large quantities of lead. Followers of this regime included Queen Elizabeth I - whose white lead-based face make-up ate into her face and is believed to have led to her eventual death – and Maria Gunning – an 18th century renowned beauty who died from lead poisoning aged 27. There’s also the small matter of the numerous boyfriends, husbands and partners who died from kissing the lead-covered faces of their amours.
Arsenic became increasingly popular during the Victorian era primarily for use either as a face powder or health supplement but it could also be found in wallpaper – which is believed to have led to the death of Napoleon Bonaparte – and even ladies dresses. Also laudanum, morphine and opium were regularly added to ‘health’ tonics – including those of children.
Following this, from the end of the 19th century, asbestos became a fashionable fabric and could be found in building construction and decoration and also fireproof items and increased in use throughout the 20th century despite its negative health effects being established as early as 1924.

My point is, just as with all the above, cigarettes used to be viewed as a health supplement, with even doctors advocating their use – now we know better. Yet we still choose to ignore any advice which contradicts our views on the ‘health benefits’ of something that will kill us!
The experts do not warn us of these things to be killjoys – they do it to SAVE YOUR LIFE so you ignore them literally at your peril.

Also, given the massive negative health impacts that passive smoking has shown to produce, you can’t help but wonder what the effects of passive ecigarette smoking are going to be proven to be in 50-60 years time.

Here’s an idea – how about we don’t wait to find out? Let’s prevent the need to find out. Let’s, in effect, prevent the opportunity to find out. Please – don’t risk your life or let your choices risk other people’s lives.

Sunday 26 June 2016

Ironic (Updated) - !!!NEW!!!

When Alanis Morisette appeared on Late Night with James Corden she performed what was (apparently) a corrected version of her song ‘Ironic’ which, in a way, was incredibly ironic as it still didn’t feature any ironies(!) So I figured this – as with her original version – needed amending.

Ironic - Updated Version (with corrections) not by Alanis Morisette
An old friend sends you a Facebook request
Who claimed time in Facebook they’d never invest
You switch heels for flats but you still take a fall
You get that new iphone and then find out that it won’t make calls
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

It’s like swiping left on your future soulmate
Yet you designed the user-friendly interface
It’s a tweet against tweeting that gets lots of faves
And who would’ve thought it figures

It’s like using sat nav to avoid the traffic you’ve found
Try to get out but the sat nav sends you back round
It’s 10,000 male late-night hosts saying gender equality is here
It’s hearing ‘Ironic’s been updated, but lyrics still don’t adhere
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think

It’s like getting a free ride when you’ve booked Taxis-To-Go
It’s travelling to Iceland only to learn in England it snowed
It’s like a failed delivery on a customer service How-to
And who would’ve thought it figures

It’s like a Netflix advert extolling DVDs
It’s getting a free burger when you’ve given up meat
It’s singing “Ironic,” when there are no ironies
And who would’ve thought it figures

Saturday 18 June 2016

Doctor Who's On First - Mercorabilia

Inspired by a recent Stephen Colbert skit featuring David Tennant, I thought I'd rejig the infamous Abbott & Costello baseball sketch to suit the two stars more appropriately.

Abbott: Well Costello, We’ve got quite a line up on the show tonight.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the host, you must know all the guests.
Abbott: I certainly do.
Costello: Well you know I've never met any of them. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's appearing on the show.
Abbott: Well, let's see, we have the latest Doctor Who's on first, then the star of a documentary about James Watt's on second, then an actress Ida Noe is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: So that’s Who's on first, Watt's on second, Ida Noe’s on third.
Costello: Are you the host?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You gonna be interviewing too?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the guests’ names?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the guest’s name.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guest on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The first guest.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guest coming on...
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Abbott: That's the guest's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well, go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you got someone coming out first?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Who's coming on first?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: When you bring on the first guest tonight, who’s coming?
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the guest’s name on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guest that’s coming...
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Who’s coming on first...
Abbott: He is, absolutely. After all his wife’s in the front row.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Abbott: What's wrong with that?
Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you bring on the first guest, how do they pronounce their name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guest.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: How do they pronounce...
Abbott: That's how he says it.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guest’s name on first.
Abbott: No. Watt is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: One guest at a time!
Abbott: Well, don't change the line-up around.
Costello: I'm not changing nobody!
Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.
Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guest on first?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: Ok.
Abbott: All right.
PAUSE
Costello: What's the guest’s name on first?
Abbott: No. Watt is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: She's on third, we're not talking about her.
Costello: Now how did I get on the third guest?
Abbott: Why you mentioned her name.
Costello: If I mentioned the third guest’s name, who did I say is coming third?
Abbott: No. Who's coming first.
Costello: What's on first?
Abbott: Watt's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: She's on third.
Costello: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
Costello: Would you just stay on third guest and don't go off it.
Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?
Costello: Now who's coming on third?
Abbott: Why do you insist on bringing Who on third?
Costello: What am I putting in third.
Abbott: No. Watt is on second.
Costello: You don't want who on second?
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third guest!
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you got a orchestra?
Abbott: Sure. All the way from China.
Costello: The conductor’s name?
Abbott: Wai.
Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Costello: Then tell me who's conducting the orchestra.
Abbott: Who's coming on first.
Costello: I'm not... stay off of the guest list! I want to know what's the conductor’s name in the orchestra?
Abbott: No, Watt is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first!
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third guest!
PAUSE
Costello: The conductor’s name?
Abbott: Wai.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's double bass.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, You gotta singer on this show?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The singer’s name?
Abbott: Tamara.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
Abbott: I'm telling you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tamara!
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's singing?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not singing…
Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the singer’s name?
Abbott: Watt's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third guest!
PAUSE
Costello: You know I'm a chat host too.
Abbott: So they tell me.
Costello: I get behind the mike to do some fancy hosting, Tamara’s singing on my show and the orchestra hots up. Now the orchestra starts the show. When they start the show, me, being a good host, I'm gonna announce the guest on first. So I pick up the mike and say welcome to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Abbott: That's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to announce the first guest.
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: Now who is it?
Abbott: Naturally.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, if I announce the first guest, somebody's gotta come out. Now who is it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Natalie?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the mike and I say welcome to Natalie.
Abbott: No you don't, you say welcome to Who.
Costello: Natalie.
Abbott: That's different.
Costello: That's what I said.
Abbott: You're not saying it...
Costello: I say welcome to Natalie.
Abbott: You say it to Who.
Costello: Natalie.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's what I said!
Abbott: You ask me.
Costello: I say welcome to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Now you ask me.
Abbott: You say welcome to Who?
Costello: Natalie
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I say welcome to who. Whoever it is does their bit and we move on to second. Who picks up the mike and passes it to Watt. Watt passes it on to Ida Noe. Ida Noe passes it on to Tamara, interval. The orchestra gets up and starts a long slow tune with Because. Er… Wai? Ida Noe! She's on third and That’s All Folks!
Abbott: What?
Costello: I said That’s All Folks!
Abbott: Oh, he’s on next week.

Tuesday 14 June 2016

Victorian Vacancies Part 2 - !!!NEW!!!

Even if you survived childhood, things wouldn't get much better. Finding employment would still be high on your priority list to prevent starvation. But what would available? Another flick through Pauper's Weekly reveals all.


Tuesday 7 June 2016

Victorian Vacancies Part 1- !!!NEW!!!

Surviving in Victorian times was tough - especially if you were a child. A lot depended on whether you were able to find employment. But just how would they do that/what kind of jobs were available for Victoria's youngest subjects. Let's have a look at the classified section of Pauper's Weekly to find out.