From The Mind of Merc - Country Names

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down.  Today I was thinking about names of countries.

It’s a small thought but it occurred to me how odd it is that in our progressive multicultural society that we still use our own words to refer to the countries of other nationalities. What I mean is that instead of paying attention to how people from other countries chose to refer to their homeland we instead insist on using our own words to label them (almost as if to make them more acceptable to us.)

Surely if we want to truly embrace intercultural integration we should be using the names that natives use for their own countries.

For example, this would mean that Europe would include of:

France (France)
Deutschland (Germany)
España (Spain)
Italia (Italy)
Elláda (Greece)
Bŭlgariya (Bulgaria)
Danmark (Denmark)
Nederland (Netherlands)
Suomi (Finland)
Sverige (Sweden)
Magyarország (Hungary)
Norge (Norway)
Polska (Poland)

Some people may say that we use our own words to make these foreign places seem more familiar to us and easier to acclimatise ourselves to. But a lot of these are not very different from the names we currently use and would not be difficult to adopt. Going forward this could be what schoolchildren are taught when they learn the names of countries and it would certainly be easier for people travelling abroad to grasp the local lingo and culture.

Also, how wrong is it to presume to acclimatise ourselves to other cultures in a way that alienates ourselves from those same cultures through our disrespect of a crucial aspect of their national identity.

Forcing our own names onto other countries is little better than forcing family names onto servants – just as the slave-owners used to do in the days before abolition. This may have been acceptable over a century ago but it surely has no place in the world nowadays.

Things need to change. If we truly want to embrace our overseas relations then perhaps we should start by not foisting our own (for them) alien words onto them. We would expect respect for our culture and our land and we should extend the same courtesy to others and abandon the out-of-date and inappropriate approach to naming countries in our own language.

Tipping sketch - Mercorabilia

The inspiration for this sketch came from spotting the tipping jar in my local coffee shop (which I always try to contribute to - she says modestly)

<Customer repeatedly drop a coin in the tip jar, pick it out and then puts it back in>
Barista: What are you doing?
Customer: Just tipping you
Barista: For the third time?
Customer: What do you mean?
Barista: That’s the third time you’ve put the coin in, reached in to retrieve it and then put it in again.
Customer: Oh, I didn’t realise you’d seen me.
Barista: Well, of course I saw you.
Customer: Well, you might have said something to acknowledge it.
Barista: Why?
Customer: Didn’t you think it odd the first time I picked the coin back out?
Barista: I thought you were being indecisive.
Customer: I was just waiting for some acknowledgement of my gesture. I didn’t have to give you a tip, you know.
Barista: Yes, I know.
Customer: I could have just taken my order and walked out of the shop to destinations unknown.
Barista: That’s true.
Customer:  I could have just walked away and you’d never have known what a kind, warm-hearted considerate sort of person I am.
Barista: I know, sir, and I’m very grateful.
Customer: There now - was that so hard? Oh, drat!
Barista: What?
Customer: I put a pound in – I only meant to put 50p.
Barista: Sorry – no refunds. Have a nice day.

The Digestion Song - !!!NEW!!!

Sitting here eating my dinner and my mind wanders to just how complicated it actually is for a body to process food - we do it all subconsciously but a lot of work goes into it.

Do-Re-Mi The Digestion Song not from The Sound Of Music
First - the food goes in your mouth
Then - it gets chewed by your teeth
Next - your tongue collects it up
And - it passes down your throat
Then - it travels to your gut
Where - it’s digested inside
Then - goes through your intestines
And comes out through your butt, but, but, but

First - the food goes in your mouth
Then - it gets chewed by your teeth
Next - your tongue collects it up
And - it passes down your throat
Then - it travels to your gut
Where - it’s digested inside
Then - goes through your intestines
And comes out through your butt, but, but, but

First - the food goes in your mouth
Then - it gets chewed by your teeth
Next - your tongue collects it up
And - it passes down your throat
Then - it travels to your gut
Where - it’s digested inside
Then - goes through your intestines
And comes out through your butt!

Table For 1 sketch - Mercorabilia

The opening situation to this sketch will be familiar to many - and personally I've never quite understood it (unless the waiter's on commission and gets extra for the more people he seats per table). Maybe we should all have this reaction.

<Man walks into restaurant alone>
Waiter: Good evening, sir.
Customer: Good evening.
Waiter: Table for 1?
<Man looks around him>
Customer: Sorry?
Waiter: Table for 1?
Customer: Have you been drinking?
Waiter: No, sir. Why?
Customer: Well, I was just wondering how many people you can see if you need to ask how many the table’s for.
Waiter: Very funny, sir. So a table for 1 then.
Customer: Yes – oh no, wait – my invisible twin brother will need a seat too.
Waiter: Sir is a wit. This way.
Customer: Can I just ask you something?
Waiter: Certainly, sir.
Customer: It’s just...You saw me walk into this restaurant alone. You saw me walk over to you alone. And yet you still asked me how many the table was for. If you know I’m on my own, you know for a fact that no-one else is with me, why on earth would you ask if I want a table for one?
Waiter: Habit?

Fast for the Past - !!!NEW!!!

This entry is inspired by the brilliant poem 'Dust If You Must' by Rose Milligan. Instead of referring to housework, it is altered to focus on another equally bizarre obsession that many women seem to have - dieting. 

Dust If You Must Fast For The Past not by Rose Milligan

Fast for the past, but didn’t you know
You’ll lose your natural, healthy glow,
You think you need to shed some fat
(But) You’re beautiful now – remember that

Fast for the past, but you’re missing out,
There’s so many wonderful things about;
Some unusual and some sublime
New meals are created all the time.

Fast for the past, but just beware
That health and weight – there’s no link there 
A diet can’t guarantee delight
There’s many an unhappy person who’s slight

Fast for the past, but bear in mind,
Those days are gone far behind.
(And) when you are old and looking back
Won’t you wish you’d eaten that?