From The Mind of Merc - Non-Gender Roles

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Non-Gender Roles.

I saw an interesting video on Facebook the other day in which a young individual explained why they view themselves as being ‘Non binary’ when it comes to gender and that it is wrong to classify people as male or female as this is outdated, creepy, and wrong as gender is ‘all in the mind’.

I have to say that my immediate reaction to this was: ‘Er... no – there are such things as male and female – it’s just the associated stereotypes that are wrong’.
For example, the idea that
Boys wear blue, girls wear pink
Boys wear trousers, girls wear skirts
Boys play football, girls play dolls
When actually,
Boys and girls wear and play whatever they want

Saying that gender doesn’t exist as a means of overcoming the pigeonholes society places people in is like sticking your fingers in your ears on bonfire night and trying to pretend there aren’t any fireworks outside – not the case, also not going to make it so.

By all means, if you feel so inclined, buck the trend. But surely to do so it would be better to adopt a nonchalant attitude to people’s reactions – as in ‘this is me – deal with’ rather than ‘you’re wrong because...’. Because to do the latter you are, in a way, sinking down to their level by inflicting a negative attitude on them. They may be wrong but claiming to change the truth to suit individual beliefs could also be viewed as wrong (and delusional).
To quote Sherlock Holmes “Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.” – ergo don’t try and change facts to suit your own views – accept the facts and use them to support your own views.
Be free in your choices, be transgender, be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual but you are biologically either male or female.

(Of course I could be completely misunderstanding the term – in which case I would welcome clarification)

As I have said before, I firmly believe people should be allowed to make their own choices in life (provided said choices do not harm others) – it is their life and therefore theirs to do with what they will. So don’t feel confined by societal roles but don’t seek to change scientific fact as a means of doing so especially when it isn’t necessary.

So if you are biologically one gender or the other then that, technically is what you are – it does not mean to you have follow societal norms or even stay as that gender but for all intents and purposes that is your physical gender.

Expected Etiquette sketch - Mercorabilia

Have you ever noticed how sometimes we ask questions almost automatically - as if we're expecting a set answer? And have you wondered what would happen if we didn't get that set answer...

 

A: Hi, Bill.

B: Hi.

A: Are you alright?

B: Not really. No

A: Sorry?

B: I said - not really, no.

A: Oh.

B: Mmm.

A: I don’t really know what to say now.

B: What do you mean?

A: Well, I wasn’t expecting you to say no, actually.

B: Why not?

A: Well, it’s...not really what’s done, is it?

B: But you asked me how I was.

A: Yes, but you’re not supposed to say no. It’s not what’s expected. When someone asks if you’re alright, you’re supposed to say yes.

B: Even if you’re not.

A: Yes

B: Why?

A: It’s just what you’re supposed to do.

B: Oh. Shall we try again?

A: Ok. Hi, Bill. Are you alright?

B: Yes. I’m fine. Absolutely fine. 100% tiptop. Never been better. Completely and absolutely dandy.

A: You see, now I don’t believe you.

From the Mind of Merc - Gender roles

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today’s topic is the social acceptance of gender roles.

Recently I was reading a brief biography of American director Ed Wood and what struck me was the way in which his transvestism was viewed as something unacceptable. True this was in 1950s America but sadly the same opinions still seem to hold sway today. What I struggled to understand is why transvestism (i.e. men wanting to dress up as women) should be viewed any different than the perfectly acceptable idea of tomboys (i.e. women who are more inclined towards stereotypically ‘male’ interests).

When I was younger, one of my friends shunned dresses, jewellery and make-up and decided she preferred to dress up as a boy. To my recollection there was never any problem with this – her parents took the opinion of ‘that’s what she wants to do’ which I think was marvellous. I certainly had no problem with it and just viewed it as who she was.

When she reached her teenage years, this interest gradually faded and she reverted to the more familiar female apparel; however, she has suffered no ‘ill-effects’ from her past decision. She is not confused about her sexuality and is in fact a fully functioning adult in a healthy modern relationship.

To my way of thinking, decisions like those my friend took won’t confuse children and don’t make them any less clear on gender identity. If anything, following such decisions could only serve to give the individual a better grasp of their sexuality and a clearer idea of gender roles as it would effectively give them a chance to explore and better understand said roles.

Just to be clear, I am not advocating alternative lifestyles nor am I an expert in them but I fail to see why there is such abhorrence towards people practising or indulging in lifestyles that make them happy about themselves – particularly in today’s modern times of obsession and insecurity over body image. After all, just as not everyone would choose to be a trainspotter or twitcher not everyone would choose the same career – i.e. there are people who desire to be doctors but would hate to be teachers and vice versa. We would not seek to dictate their profession or pastimes any more than we would want them to dictate ours. If there is a way of living that makes you happy and it’s not hurting anyone else you should be allowed to pursue it.

Forcing an individual (or particularly a child) to follow specific life choices surely causes more harm than good as in enforcing stereotypical views or ‘socially accepted’ gender roles this serves only to repress the individual – doing untold damage both psychologically and interpersonally between the oppressor and the oppressed. Freedom of choice in our society should mean just that.

Another instance that occurs to me took place on a previous trip to a castle in England where children were given the opportunity to dress up as princesses and knights in either tabards or dresses. The ‘jester’ on duty was faced with a young boy (of I would guess about 8 years of age) who declined the opportunity to dress up in one of the tabards and instead requested one of the dresses. The jester was visibly surprised by this but (fair play to him) didn’t attempt to dissuade the boy from his choice and the boy went happily onward with a bright pink dress adorning his Spiderman t-shirt and combat shorts. His parents followed on seemingly observing his actions as a nothing more than a strange choice and certainly not something to be concerned about thus averting any outcry, problems or disturbances and that – to my mind – is what the standard reaction to such choices should be.

Socially accepted gender roles should not mean everything else is socially unacceptable. This is discriminatory and wrong and denigrating to the individual. True there is (has and always will be) the perceived norm but all that deviates from that should not be the perceived abnormality. They are different but they cannot be fairly labelled as wrong or improper; particularly when there are so many cultural variations throughout the world and it is therefore quite possible that an ‘unusual’ choice in one place may be commonplace in another. This ultimately begs the question of why one is ‘right’ and one is ‘wrong’ and also (and perhaps more controversially) how it is possible to decide which is which.

After all, as is endlessly quoted from the bible – we should ‘judge not, lest ye be judged’ – how much easier and infinitely more pleasant would life be if all could live by that simple tenet?