I was fortunate enough to catch another of John Finnemore's Flying Visits last week and, whenever I'm that fortunate, it always proves rather inspirational. I therefore present my latest sketch investigating the origins of some very wise words:
<sound of buzzing>
Bystander: Blasted mosquito! It just won’t leave me alone. I
wonder what it would take to get rid of it.
Confucius: Ah – this is most fortunate. I have been wanting
to examine this very conundrum myself.
Bystander: Have you?
Confucius: Indeed so. If you will allow me, I will proceed
with my experiments. First we try the hand.
<sound of swiping. buzzing sound continues>
Confucius: Hmm. Ineffectual. Next we move on to the flyswat.
<sound of swatting. buzzing sound continues>
Confucius: Nothing. Hmm. Let us try something else. Would
you pass me that newspaper.
<rustling sound of a newspaper being handed over>
Confucius: Now then.
<sounds of swooshing then a thwack>
Bystander: Ow!
Confucius: Sorry.
<buzzing continues>
Confucius: It is a most persistent creature. There’s nothing
for it. We’ll have to bring out the big guns.
Bystander: And what does that involve?
Confucius: This.
<rumbling sounds>
Bystander: A cannon? Isn’t that a bit much?
Confucius: We shall soon see. Fire!
<sound of a cannon being fired followed by exploding and
collapsing rubble. buzzing stops>
Confucius: Success! I have defeated it.
Bystander: Yes, but you’ve also ‘defeated’ that house. Look
- you’ve blown a massive great chunk out of the wall. Who knows what the owners
going to think of that!
Confucius: Hmm. Very interesting. I must document this.
<sound of quill scratching on parchment>
Confucius: Confucius say “Never use cannon to kill mosquito”
