What time is it, Eccles (modernised) - Mercorabilia

I'm a big fan of The Goon Show and, inspired by a comment I saw online, I thought it'd be fun to try and create how the infamous 'What time is it?' skit if it had been written using modern technology.

Bluebottle: What time is it Eccles?
Eccles: Err, just a minute. I, I've got a screenshot of it ’ere on my mobile. A nice man did it for me this morning.
Bluebottle: Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you, Eccles?
Eccles:  Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle: Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles:  What is it fellow?
Bluebottle: It's showin on this screenshot here, what is eight o'clock, is showin.
Eccles: I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to do it for me, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle: Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles:  Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle: Ooohhh...
Eccles:  [Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle: Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles:  I've got a screenshot of it on my mobile!
Bluebottle: Oh, I wish I could afford a mobile phone with the time screenshot on.
Eccles:  Oohhhh.
Bluebottle: 'Ere Eccles?
Eccles:  Yah.

Bluebottle: Let me hold that mobile to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This mobile phone ain't tickin'.

Eccles:  What? I've been sold a forgery!

Bluebottle: No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.

Eccles:  Oh dear.

Bluebottle: You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.

Eccles:  Oooohhh?

Bluebottle: His firm give it to him when he retired.

Eccles:  Oooohhh.

Bluebottle: It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.

Eccles:  Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.

Bluebottle: His secretary.

Eccles:  Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?

Bluebottle: She's got a screenshot of it on her mobile!

And if anyone's wondering why he didn't just look at the time on his phone... this is Eccles we're talking about

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 17

Door number 17:

It's the Goons - !!!NEW!!!

For today's entry I decided to move away from my familiar subject of Cabin Pressure and instead focus on the other wonderful radio comedy that is the legendary Goon Show as written by the inimitable Spike Milligna - the world famous typing error!
(Thanks to Cole Porter for his tune 'Be A Clown')

I'll remember forever when I was but wee

Papa, who was clever, remarking to me
If,child, you want to know just what that sound is
It’s one of the very best sounds you’ll find in showbiz

It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons
All the world loves the Goons
They’re such fools, they’re such saps
Your hands hurt from how much you clap

Milligan and Sellers
And Secombe the three great fellers
There are some who don’t like it, because it doesn’t end
There are some who can’t stand it, it sends them round the bend
But I don’t mind what they think because radio’s my friend
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons
All the world loves the Goons
Grytpype’s tricks, Eccles jokes
Don’t want them to say Goodnight folks

At the heart of their japes
Hear how Neddie gets into scrapes
‘Cause Grytpype-Thynne wants money but his rent’s in arrears
With Moriarty’s help they’ll soon invoke Neddie’s fears
And they’ll make you laugh so much that your eyes stream with tears
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons
All the world loves the Goons
Hear Eccles say ‘Allo
And you’ll never want them to go

It’s bizarre yet so good
And it’s sure to lighten your mood
A college education most of them never had
But that’s much better than Eccles did and his old dad
They’re not the brightest of sparks but we know of that we’re glad
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

Bloodnok sounds in such pain
And Bluebottle’s been deaded again
If you can’t get the wood then just talk to Henery Crun
But if Minnie brings out her pet cat you’d better run
With every episode you’ve never had so much fun
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons