Saturday, 30 November 2024

From The Mind of Merc - Sexism

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today, following on from last month's post about misattributed inventions, I was thinking about sexism (again).

Following on from an earlier post about discrimination, it still baffles me as to why anyone would contemplate or be happy with having a sexist standpoint.
1)      How can anyone think they are better than another person because of their gender? A difference in appearance never means a difference in value or worth.
2)      How can anyone think it’s better to suppress the other gender? Especially when that can only be to the detriment of the entire species.

Going back to a previous post about stolen inventions, there are numerous occasions when women have demonstrated the exceptional contribution that have capability of making to the human race and yet they are continually shut down, shut out and generally told to shut up because they are not male. The key examples for me are undoubtedly Rosalind Franklin (I highly doubt Crick & Watson would have achieved what they did without Franklin’s work), Ada Lovelace (who actually wrote the programme Charles Babbage used for his machine), Katherine Johnson and Grace Hopper (2 amazingly gifted women who were crucial to the success of their companies – NASA and US Navy respectively).

Why is it so terrible for a woman to have created (or, apparently worse, be credited with) her achievements? What in the world makes sense in obstructing the possibility for development and improvement that including women and allowing an indiscriminate and unbiased approach to all walks of life could present? Just think what we could have achieved if men throughout history had not been so determined to obstruct, put down and ignore all the bright, gifted and capable women they encountered. If more women like Joan of Arc had been allowed or even encouraged to fight, particularly on the English side, would it instead have been them who prevailed? What if there had been less focus on only men being able to rule (a blatant fallacy given one of the first female rulers – Elizabeth I – ushered in a ‘Golden Age’ for her people), could the country have prospered further?

All those women who desperately sought education or a certain/political career and were denied because of their gender – what significant and potentially positive difference could they have made that could have improved the lives of everyone in the world? And, rather than asking the same question 100 years from now, shouldn’t this exclusion and prejudice finally stop for our own sakes? The choice is common sense or being counterproductive - surely this is not difficult.

As Robin Williams once remarked – particularly relevant given the recent US elections – “…there should a woman president…there would never be any wars - just every 28 days some intense negotiations.”

Thursday, 28 November 2024

Balls - !!!NEW!!!

Today's parody is a twist on the LunchMoney Lewis song that just changes one letter in the title.

Bills Balls not by LunchMoney Lewis
I got balls you wanna play
It is great to pass the time of day
You got one that’s all you need
Because it means fun is guaranteed
I got balls 

All these balls bounce round me now
I can’t wait to enjoy
Lots of little kids run around
I can hear their cries of joy
Go get your boots on
And this game we will soon deploy
You don’t wanna miss out
And we sure don’t want to annoy
Won’t annoy? Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no

I got balls you wanna play
It is great to pass the time of day
You got one that’s all you need
Because it means fun is guaranteed
I got balls

 

Jump up - hit it with your head
I can see another goal ahead
One more and we will soon take the lead
Just one good shot is all that we need
It’s such fun to kick this ball about
And so much more to run around and shout
It’s also fun to play all together
Praying of course for some nice weather
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
All cheer, all cheer, all cheer, all cheer
All cheer, oh yeah, all cheer, oh yeah

I got balls you wanna play
It is great to pass the time of day
You got one that’s all you need
Because it means fun is guaranteed
I got balls

And my shoes, my shoes
I said my shoes
Can’t forget those

I got balls you wanna play
It is great to pass the time of day
You got one that’s all you need
And we’ll soon see who will take the lead
I got balls you wanna play
It is great to pass the time of day
You got one that’s all you need
And we’ll soon see who will take the lead
I got balls

Your momma got balls, your daddy got balls
Your sister got balls, Your auntie got balls (I got balls)
Your uncle got balls
Everybody got balls, everybody got balls, uh

Tuesday, 26 November 2024

Sh*t Beneath My Shoes - !!!NEW!!!

Today's parody turns a well-known ballad and reverses the sentiment to one that would be more appropriate if the subject wasn't so accolade worthy. Or, to put it another way, here's a new break-up song.

Wind Beneath My Wings Sh*t Beneath My Shoes not by Bette Midler
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
It was so cold out there in your shadow
To never have sunlight on my face
But now it is my time to shine, so I say
That you are just a waste of space

So I’m now the one to get the glory
While you are the one out in the rain
I put up with your cr*p behaviour for so long
But now you’re the one to face the pain
 

Did you ever know that you're an @sshole
And that’s the only thing you can do?
You are much lower than an weevil
Yes, you are the sh*t beneath my shoes

For so long it all just went unnoticed
I just took it all into my heart
I want you to know I know the truth, and you should know it
I want nothing to do with you

Did you ever know that you're an @sshole
And that’s the only thing you can do?
You are much lower than an weevil
Yes, you are the sh*t beneath my shoes

Did you ever know that you're an @sshole
And that’s the only thing you can do?
You are much lower than an weevil
Yes, you are the sh*t beneath my shoes
Oh, you are the sh*t beneath my shoes 

Oh, the sh*t beneath my shoes
You, you, you, you are the sh*t beneath my shoes
Go, go, go away, you can go far away
Oh, you, you, you, the sh*t beneath my shoes
Oh, you, you, you, the sh*t beneath my shoes

Go, go, go so so far away
So far that you can’t hear me say
F*ck you, f*ck you
F*ck all of you, the sh*t beneath my shoes

Thursday, 31 October 2024

From The Mind of Merc - Remakes

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about film directors.

In a way this follows on from last month's post but also flips it on its head as, instead of the issue being those with questionable judgment exerting their influence over the life and works of others, this time I was contemplating those with unlimited (for which one might read excessive) self-image exerting their influence of the work and achievements of others. To put it bluntly, I was considering remakes - specifically when a renowned director takes it upon themselves to demonstrate their consummate skill by remaking a classic and often much loved piece.

To me, this has never made sense for 2 reasons:

1) If it is a classic and/or much loved, why does it need to be remade? Clearly the original filmmaker got it right first time. If the new director loves it so much maybe they could organise its re-release to share this love with others rather than implying they think they can do better.

2) Surely a better 'test' of the director's film-making skill would be to take a film that was an acknowledged flop and turn that into a much loved classic. By remaking a bad film into something that is good that has to be undeniable proof that they are as good as they clearly believe themselves to be.
Possible candidates include: John Carter, Waterworld, Mars Needs Moms

It could theoretically be the proposed case that remakes are made because Hollywood is 'out of ideas'. Although I personally believe to that it is more accurate that Hollywood doesn't want to take a risk on new ideas. In which case it is falling foul of my previous observations (and post) of those in a position of power/judgement - in this instance, film producers - possibly obstructing the creation of something wonderful through their own potentially misguided/misplaced judgement. 

Overall, I firmly believe classics should be allowed to be just that and instead new ideas (or flops) should be given the chance to become that. After all, the following classics were big risks for their makers:
- Snow White: The first ever feature length cartoon - a major risk for Disney but the start of his empire
- Iron Man: A risky first movie which then launched a franchise
- Avatar: A CGI-heavy film could have been viewed as too risky
- Batman: Tim Burton took a camp 60s TV series and turned it into a gritty, compelling classic
- Die Hard: The star of this action flick was not the muscle-bound hero that might have been expected
- Titanic: A film with a run time of over 3 hours wins the most Oscars ever
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Making a film (which spawned a franchise) out of a fairground ride? Sounds a bit risky
- Get Out: Giving a comedian the chance to direct a horror film? That worked 

Wednesday, 30 October 2024

My Romana - !!!NEW!!!

And now with a nod to the 4th (and his perhaps most famous companion):

My Sharona My Romana not by The Knack
Not long after Leela’s gone, Leela’s gone
I’ll get a new companion – it’s Romana
She’ll help find the Key to Time, the Key to Time
She is my new number one – it’s Romana 

Such a stylish sight, dressed in white, with a clever mind
Yes she is such a pearl, special girl, a lady of time
My, my, my, I, yi, woo!
M-m-m-my Romana

Once all the pieces are found and spread around
She will then take on a new form – Romana
After trying several, short and tall
She picks one that will be her new norm – Romana

Now she is revived, and a blonde, with a playful tone
More adventures to find, travel on, in our phone box home
My, my, my, I, yi, woo!
M-m-m-my, my, my, I, yi, woo!

After some more time with me, t-time with me
Could this be the end of the line, Romana?
Timelords want her back you see, back you see
So she’ll go and leave me behind – Romana

Won’t ever forget, no - not yet, ‘bout her, cos you see
She’s such as shining star, she’ll go far, it’s her destiny
My, my, my, I, yi, woo!
M-m-m-my Romana
M-m-m-my Romana

M-m-m-my Romana
M-m-m-my Romana
M-m-m-my Romana
M-m-m-my Romana

Mmh, ohh, my Romana
Mmh, ohh, my Romana
Mmh, ohh, my Romana

Tuesday, 29 October 2024

Aggedor - !!!NEW!!!

Continuing the Whovian theme this month - first with a nod to the 3rd Doctor's era:

Agadoo Aggedor not by Black Lace
Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, finds it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty 

On the Peladon planet there is consternation
While they quibble to decide to join the federation
The Doctor and Miss Jo Grant soon arrive to save the day
And when the evil is done they will quietly slip away

It was thought the doctor had
Defiled the beast’s shrine
But he will defy this plan
And win in the nick of time

Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, find it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty

Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, find it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty

The prince then it seems
Has fall(en) for Josephine
And if she agreed
He’d make her his queen

Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, find it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty

Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, find it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty

It was thought the doctor had
Defiled the beast’s shrine
But he will defy this plan
And win in the nick of time

Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, find it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty

Aggedor dor dor, the monster of Peladon
Aggedor dor dor, if you linger you’ll be gone
Down in caves, dank and dark, find it easier to smell than see
With their horn, tusks and claws they’re a symbol of royalty

Monday, 30 September 2024

From The Mind of Merc - Rejected Film Cuts

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about film producers and their (sometimes regrettable) influence over movies.

Following on from last month's post about drama schools, another area where I feel questionable senses of judgment have a potentially negative impact is film producers.

The moneymen have the regrettable power to affect the work produced by new and established directors regardless of the skill/vision/knowledge/common sense of said directors and this has often had disastrous results. The phenomena is seemingly so common that a whole pseudonym has been created (Alan Smithee) to give the affected directors a get-out clause so they can wash their hands of 'their' film once the producers have finished messing with it. 

These following films ended up dramatically different to how they were originally intended (in many cases, the success of the director's cuts proves just how wrong the producers were):
- Hancock: Intended as a dark look at superheroes dealing with various serious topics, this ended up as a 'fun action comedy'
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine: This again was intended to be darker before the producers interfered. Aside from sewing shut Deadpool's mouth at the end of the movie, in this instance, their interference included painting the sets lighter colours when the director wasn't around(!)
- Superman II: The original director was fired when he was 75% through completing the movie and he was replaced with a director more familiar with comedic films, which dramatically affected the tone of the film.
- Kingdom of Heaven: The producers cut 45 minutes from Ridley Scott's final version in the hope it would encourage more people to come see it at the cinema. The actual effect was Scott's skill was questioned... until he released his director's cut which revealed the true culprits.
- Brazil: The producers of this Terry Gilliam classic re-edited the movie behind the director's back with a happier ending, a different tone and a rock and roll score. Even though Gilliam pre-empted this and managed to screen his version the producers still cut 10 minutes from the overall run time.
- All The Pretty Horses: This was intended to be a faithful adaptation of the Cormac McCarthy novel but producer, Harvey Weinstein, edited it down to 2 hours losing character development and its original score and then failed to release it.
- Once Upon A Time in America: The producers cut the film down from its proper 4 hours to 2, rearranged the scenes into chronological order(!) and deleted some that explained character decisions. Fortunately, the directors cut survived.
- Alien 3: Director David Fincher was hired after many others were fired by producers who believed the newbie would be easier to control (and more submissive to their excessive demands). When that failed they locked the director out of the editing bay.
- Bladerunner: The producers changed the ending of this film to a more happy one. Again, fortunately, the director's cut survived. 
- Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer: The Head of Fox decided to make Galactus into a cloud (says it all)
- Spiderman 3: The studio forced the director to include Venom in the film
- Suicide Squad: A last minute decision was made to change the tone of the film
- Golden Compass: The studio attempted to 'water down' the potential religious commentary contained in the original work and as as result also 'watered down' the success of the film by alienating fans of the books
- Justice League: The producers replaced the director, added a load of jokes and cut the film to a strict 2 hour runtime, creating a movie that was 'unwatchable'
- Fantastic Four: The studio went over the director's head to get the reshoots they wanted regardless of whether they matched with the gritty vision he had. The disastrous reviews prove the (lack of) success of that

These films came close to suffering the same fate:
- Lady & The Tramp: Disney tried to ban the spaghetti eating scene from being included. Luckily the animators ignored him.
- The Lion King: Disney executives removed the song 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight' before Elton John objected
- Toy Story: This was originally ordered to be more 'adult-oriented'. When this proved disastrous, the much loved movie was created
- Gangs of New York: Producer Weinstein pestered director Martin Scorsese to work faster, change the gang names, Daniel Day-Lewis's costume and cut the film to 2 hours. Fortunately Scorsese won and the film earned 10 Oscar nominations
- Reservoir Dogs: Director Tarantino had to fight Weinstein to keep the ear-cutting scene in the movie
- Wizard of Oz: The song 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' was nearly cut from the film to decrease runtime
- The Godfather: Director Francis Ford Coppola had to fight for his casting choices of Marlon Brando and Al Pacino

Just think how many more classic and much loved films could have been created if the producers have only submitted their money not their opinion. And also, how much money might they have made? 

Gallifrey - !!!NEW!!!

And, to continue the Whovian theme for this month, a parody of an ABBA classic:

Waterloo Gallifrey not by ABBA
You know
On Gallifrey is where the Doctor started
Oh, yeah
Though it wasn’t long before he and the Timelords parted 

But the Doctor knows where he’s from
And he will ensure it goes on

Gallifrey
Never defeated – no, not at all
Gallifrey
We all know now that it’s falls no more 

Gallifrey
Though so far from it the Doctor roams
Gallifrey
He still knows where it is he calls home
Oh-oh-oh-oh-Gallifrey
He’ll never forget his Gallifrey

My, my
They tried to exile him, but it didn’t last
Oh, yeah
And whenever they need him they choose to forget the past

And how could he ever refuse
If he doesn’t win they all lose

Gallifrey
Never defeated – no, not at all
Gallifrey
We all know now that it’s falls no more 

Gallifrey
Though so far from it the Doctor roams
Gallifrey
He still knows where it is he calls home
Oh-oh-oh-oh-Gallifrey
He’ll never forget his Gallifrey
 

And how could he ever refuse
If he doesn’t win they all lose

Gallifrey
Though so far from it the Doctor roams
Gallifrey
He still knows where it is he calls home
Oh-oh-oh-oh-Gallifrey
He’ll never forget his Gallifrey
Ooh-ooh, Gallifrey
They know the Doctor’ll save the day

Oh-oh-oh-oh-Gallifrey
He’ll never forget his Gallifrey
Ooh-ooh, Gallifrey

Supercalifragilisticexpialitimelord 2 - !!!NEW!!!

I was discussing my blog with a friend and came across a previous parody song which used the tune but not the word itself. This gave me an idea for a revision so here we are:

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocioustimelord still not from Mary Poppins
It's supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
Yes I might have just made up a brand spanking new word
But yet still you know exactly what it was that you heard
Supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I 

So why have I decided to make this new word today
It’s ‘cause I think there is a chance Mary’s from Gallifrey
If you think about it you’ll see they have a lot in common
Which is the very reason that this whole song was begun

Oh, supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
Yes I might have just made up a brand spanking new word
But yet still you know exactly what it was that you heard
Supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I

They both travel around the world in their own unique ways
To improve the lives of others is how they spend their days
They don’t agree with convention though you might see them at one
And let’s not forget the carpet bag that defies dimensions 

Supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
Yes I might have just made up a brand spanking new word
But yet still you know exactly what it was that you heard
Supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I

You know you can say it backwards which is
Timelordaliexpisticfragicalirupus
But that's going a bit too far, don't you think?
Indubitably
 

So next time you see that big blue box or her umbrella (Hello)
Just remember this song and you’ll see just how similar
There are probably other ways that these two do match up

For example
Yes?
What Missy’s wearing ain’t half close to Mary’s first get up
Oh, and it suits her loverly, too
Oh
 

Supercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
S
upercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
S
upercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord
S
upercalifragilisticexpiali-timelord

Saturday, 31 August 2024

From The Mind of Merc - Rejected Actors

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about drama schools.

Following on from last month's post about publishers, another area in which those with questionable senses of judgment potentially negatively impact the enjoyment in the world is drama schools.

It is a well-known adage that those who can't, teach. But maybe they also can't judge.

Here is a list of actors who were initially rejected or expelled from their establishments of dramatic education:

Rejected
- Carey Mulligan: This Oscar nominated actress was rejected by every drama school she applied to (thankfully Julian Fellowes was able to help her start her career)
- Rosamund Pike: After being rejected by every drama school she applied to, she landed a part as a Bond girl in Die Another Day
- Daniel Craig: Future Bond actor, Craig, was rejected by RADA, LAMDA and the Young Vic before being accepted at the Barbican
- Hugh Jackman: The award-winning actor - best known currently for his role as Wolverine - was rejected by NIDA but got into WAAPA
- Tom Hardy: This versatile thespian was rejected by RADA and expelled by the London Drama Centre (though fortunately he was allowed back in the following year)
- Rachel Griffiths: After being rejected by the National Institute of Dramatic Art, she joined a local community theatre group which led to her award-winning performance in the 1994 film Muriel's Wedding
- Anthony La Paglia: Also rejected by NIDA, this award-winning actor's career took off when he made the move from Australia to America
BONUS - Steven Spielberg: This globally-renowned director was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Cinema not once but twice(!)

Expelled
- Denholm Elliott: The much-loved award-winning actor was asked to leave RADA after a year
- Jon Pertwee: The future Doctor Who actor was kicked out of RADA for refusing to be a wind (this was after he was rejected by Central due to his lisp)
- Charles Laughton: Consoled his fellow thesp, Pertwee, with the quip that 'All the best people get chucked out of RADA'
- Rodney Bewes: This Likely Lad was expelled during his final year at RADA
- BONUS - Alec Guinness: Failed to get into RADA as the scholarship was not being offered the year he applied

Again, it makes you wonder how many more skilled and capable thespians never got the chance due to some misplaced judgement they experienced from those they faced at their crucial time. 

Doctor, Doctor - !!!NEW!!!

And finishing with...

Honey Honey Doctor Doctor not by ABBA
Doctor Doctor, we need you now, oh yes, Doctor Doctor
Doctor Doctor, don’t let us down, oh no, Doctor Doctor
We have heard all about you
And all of the things you do
And now we hope they are true, we really need you
Oh, help us Doctor, please 

Doctor Doctor, we’re in danger, oh yes, Doctor Doctor
Doctor Doctor, (don’t) be a stranger, oh no, Doctor Doctor
We know that you care for earth
(We know that you care for the earth)
We know you value its worth
(We know you value its worth)
So please listen to our plea and help set us free

We don't want this to be over
And we do not want to die
So we hope you’ll hear us
And we all hope you will try
Please say that you’ll stick with us now
That you’ll never let us be
‘Cause otherwise we will not escape this calamity

Doctor Doctor, please do save us, a-ha, Doctor Doctor
Doctor Doctor, help end this fuss, a-ha, Doctor Doctor
You are the one that we want (you’re the one that we want)
So please don’t be nonchalant (do not be nonchalant)
Because without your assist, we will not exist

So we hope you’ll hear us and we all hope you will try
‘Cause otherwise we will not escape this calamity

Doctor Doctor, we need you now, oh yes, Doctor Doctor
Doctor Doctor, don’t let us down, oh no, Doctor Doctor
We have heard all about you
And all of the things you do
And now we hope they are true, we really need you

Gallifrey - !!!NEW!!!

Very late with this month's posts but hopefully it's a case of better late than never.

As I spent to today at a Whovian event, both of today's/this month's contributions are influenced by that particular interest, starting with...

Galway Girl Gallifrey not by Ed Sheeran 
It wasn’t really something that I planned
When I fell in love with a young human
Found she was in peril and so I took her by the hand
Said, "Run” and that’s how it began 

I met her in London in the basement of a store
Where she was then being attacked by plastic mannequins galore
Though after we split up soon I was led right back to her
Where I met her boyfriend Mickey and, of course, her mother
Worked out that the Nestene was the whole reason why
And together we tracked it back to its base at the London Eye
Chat didn’t work but luckily for me
Rose helped me to escape then we both could flee

It wasn’t really something that I planned
When I fell in love with a young human
Found she was in peril and so I took her by the hand
Said, "Run” and that’s how it began
‘Cause I am the man from Gallifrey
Yes I am the man from Gallifrey

You know we faced all sorts of villains not just the Nestene
Like Gelth, the Jagrafess, Reapers and not forgetting the Slitheen
Who could have guessed what kind of adventures lay in store
When I invited Rose behind my blue door
I never thought the Daleks would be alive today
But beat our first encounter thanks to human DNA
Oh, we thought we were doing well and were so very smart
But little did we know soon it would be time to part

It wasn’t really something that I planned
When I fell in love with a young human
Found she was in peril and so I took her by the hand
Said, "Run” and that’s how it began
‘Cause I am the man from Gallifrey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Gallifrey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Gallifrey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Gallifrey

Soon we were up against the wall also out of time
The Daleks were after their newest chance to shine
Found that I couldn’t complete my grand design
But then Rose opened the TARDIS and she won the fight
(I) absorbed the light, took her back inside
But then every cell in my body it started to die
I reassured her that there was no need for fright
‘Cause I’m from Gallifrey and it’ll be alright

It wasn’t really something that I planned
When I fell in love with a young human
Found she was in peril and so I took her by the hand
Said, "Run” and that’s how it began
‘Cause I am the man from Gallifrey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Gallifrey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Gallifrey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Gallifrey

Wednesday, 31 July 2024

From The Mind of Merc - Rejected Authors

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about publishers.

One thing that bugs me (and which I constantly seem to run into) is people who have achieved (or usually placed themselves) in elevated positions of judgement with the power of life and death of other people's hopes, dreams and ambitions.
Personally nowhere is this (and its inherent issues) plainer than in the publishing industry.

There are undoubtedly countless unfortunate souls whose slaved over creations never saw the light of day as they failed to please the people to who they were submitted and on whose approval their distribution depended. The reason I say this has inherent issues is that it is undeniably flawed. As demonstrated/For example, here is a list of books that were rejected by the publishers who received them:
- Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J. K. Rowling: This global phenomenon was rejected by 10 publishers before an agent's daughter persuaded him to take a chance
- Chicken Soup For The Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen: After 33 rejections, this book finally found a publisher and has sold more than 80 million copies in 37 languages
- Dubliners by James Joyce: 22 publishers turned down Joyce's debut novel before it finally hit the bookshops
- Lorna Doone by Richard Doddridge Blackmore: This 19th century classic was rejected 18 times before finally being published in 1899
- M*A*S*H by Richard Hooker: The book that inspired the classic TV series was turned down 21 times before finding a home
- Carrie by Stephen King: After getting 30 rejections for his book even King rejected it. Fortunately, his wife persuaded him to try again.
- Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell: This book was rejected 38 times but ultimately earned a Pulitzer Prize and a film adaptation
- Dune by Frank Herbert: 23 publishers rejected this Hugo award-winning cult classic that spawned 5 sequels and 2 film adaptations
- Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery: After 5 publishers rejected her novel, Montgomery buried it in a hat box. 2 years later she tried again
- The Diary of Anne Frank: This was rejected 15 times before Doubleday agreed to published it and subsequently sold 25 million copies
- Twilight by Stephanie Meyer: 14 agencies rejected this vampire romance novel which subsequently sold 17 million copies and spawned a film franchise
- The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks: 24 agencies turned down this film-inspiring novel which was sold by the 25th agency for $1 million
- The Thomas Berryman Murder by James Patterson: This bestselling author faced 31 rejections before going on to produce 19 consecutive No. 1s
- A Time To Kill by John Grisham: 16 agencies and 12 publishers turned down his debut which sold out immediately on publication
- The Help by Kathryn Sockett: Rejected by 60 agents, it ended up on the bestseller list for over 100 weeks, sold 7 million copies and spawned a film adaptation
- And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street by Dr Seuss: After 27 rejections, Theodore Geisel had lost hope until he encountered a editor friend
- Catch 22 by Joseph Heller: Rejected 22 times (which is supposedly the reason for the title of this new famous book
- Lord of the Flies by William Golding: Golding faced 20 rejections before finding success with a less critical publisher
Other rejected authors include: Agatha Christie, L. Frank Baum, C.S. Lewis, Dan Brown, Beatrix Potter, Judy Blume, Kenneth Grahame, Sylvia Plath, Jack Kerouac, John Le Carre, Ursula K. LeGuin, J. D. Salinger, Meg Cabot, Alice Walker, H. G. Wells, Herman Melville, George Orwell, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Louisa May Alcott, Mary Shelley, Joseph Helier, Richard Adams, Vladimir Nabokov, Paulo Coelho and The Diary of Anne Frank 

To me, this says the said publishers don't actually know what they are looking for, what will be popular and therefore what they should accept and/or reject.

A suggestion further demonstrated by the fact that an experiment conducted in 2007 showed that Jane Austen would even struggle to be published nowadays(!)

Thankfully nowadays there is the option of self-publishing so we run a decreased risk of being without the aforementioned rejected classics. Still, it makes you think how many more there might have been...

Tuesday, 30 July 2024

When You're Snoring - !!!NEW!!!

And now a mini parody of a Frank Sinatra classic for all those people who are sick of being kept awake at night.

When You're Smiling When You're Snoring not by Frank Sinatra 

Oh when you’re snoring, when you’re snoring
The whole world scowls at you
And when you’re snorting, when you’re snorting
The hatred comes glaring through
 

But when you waking we get a respite
So stop your sleeping baby and make it all alright
But don’t keep on snoring, keep on snoring
Or the whole world will hate you

Make It Stop - !!!NEW!!!

Just got this month's posts in in time.
First a parody song for all those people who are sick of a certain Disney song.

Let It Go Make It Stop not from Frozen

It’s been so long since we first heard that song
But yet still it haunts our dreams
A single lone repetition
Makes me feel I want to scream
 

The tune is endless like a never ceasing tide
Even when it’s gone it’s still deep inside
Don't want to think, don't want to know
Just how those familiar lyrics go
Implore “no more” don't let it stay
‘Cause now I say

Make it stop, make it stop
Can't stand that thing anymore
Make it stop, make it stop
Every sentence I abhor
You may love the message it brings
But think you should know
It would be a mistake to try to sing

Although you might not realise the impact that it has
The thought of hearing it now is something I can’t let pass
It's had its time, it’s had its fun
And also a more than fair run
No more I beg - it’s not for me
Oh please

Make it stop, make it stop
We have heard it one time too much
Make it stop, make it stop
Don’t want any more slush
No more please that tune it stings
Yes think you should know

It might seem like it’s just a cute Disney ditty
But I’m begging of you to please have some pity
Let this time that we hear it be the very last
Let’s put this song to rest and leave it in the past

Make it stop, make it stop
Why won’t it ever go away
Make it stop, make it stop
Hasn’t it now had its day
No more please that tune it stings
Yes think you should know
That is one song you should never sing

Sunday, 30 June 2024

From The Mind of Merc - Elections

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about elections.

One of the main things that always worries about elections when you have a perceptibly awful option that people presume that awful option doesn’t stand a chance and consequently they don’t bother to vote. Whenever people do that, that awful option regrettably stands an incredibly good chance.

The most memorable example of this for me (aside from the 2016 US Presidential election) will always be the 2002 French Presidential election. For this, the options were the incumbent Jacques Chirac, his sidekick, Lionel Jospin, and National Front candidate, Jean-Marie Le Pen. It was believed Le Pen didn’t stand a chance – who wants a fascist for President, right? – so the French people think they needed to vote. The result was Le Pen beat Jospin in the preliminary election to get through to the final round of voting. This shocked the French into action and Chirac won by a landslide but their initial laissez-faire attitude nearly meant a fascist taking control of their government.

In Britain we face the apparently obvious choice of Sunak and his self-serving, elitist cronies – who have crippled this country with their obscenely apparent money-grabbing ways – or frankly anyone else. Yet it is not a foregone conclusion that they won’t win. Aside from the fact that people still doubt Starmer’s credentials mean he’s a better option (even though it’s meant to be about policies not people and not a popularity contest), the polls confidently predicting Labour success  has the potential to produce the exact opposite effect to that it intends (as I fear).

Also, a big difference between us and the French election is the French get 2 goes – we don’t – that’s why we have to make it count.

So, on July 4th, it’s imperative we learn from the almost-mistake of the French. Whether or not the think the Tories stand a chance (and regardless of thoughts or opinion of Starmer and his promises), in order to make sure the Sunak et al aren’t allowed to continue running this country into the ground like it’s their own personal piggy bank – you must go out and vote. If you don’t, their supporters will – just like Le Pen’s.

Remember:
- Never take election results for granted.
- Never assume you don’t need to vote to get the result you want/expect.
- Never let those who are out to serve themselves be allowed to continue in their way unchecked and unchallenged.

And, as a helpful hint, try this website to help get the Tories out: https://tactical.vote/

Tuesday, 25 June 2024

You Wanna Get Out Of This State - !!!NEW!!!

And a message to those fed-up with 14 years of Tory misrule.

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place You Wanna Get To Get Out Of This State not by The Animals 
In this rundown old wreck of a country
Where we lived not just survived
And being poor din’t mean you’re deprived 

But the Tories they got control and
They held on for fourteen years
To bring to life all of our great fears (you know)

Now the NHS is strugglin’
And prices keep goin’ up        
It seems that food banks are our only backup, oh yes you know it

Gov’ment’s working so hard
But not workin' for you, honey (no!)
You know that it’s true (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) 

You wanna get out of this state?
Then there’s just one thing you gotta do
You wanna get out of this state?
Then know that when the day comes just don’t vote blue

‘Cause the Tories they got control and
They held on for fourteen years
To bring to life all of our great fears (you know)

Now the NHS is strugglin’
And prices keep goin’ up        
It seems that food banks are our only backup, oh yes you know it

You know gov’ment’s workin' so hard
Not for you baby (yeah!)
Whoa!
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) 

You wanna get out of this state?
Then there’s just one thing you gotta do
You wanna get out of this state?
Then know that when the day comes just don’t vote blue

No don’t baby
You know you know it, baby

You wanna get out of this state?
Then there’s just one thing you gotta do
You wanna get out of this state?
Then know that when the day comes just don’t vote blue

Believe me baby
I know it baby
You know it too