I’m probably
alone in this but there have been several occasions where there’s been what
supposed to be a really stirring speech in a film etc and I’m left thinking
‘Well I’m not convinced’ and it got me wondering what those scenes would be
like if someone with my cynical standpoint was in those scenes to offer their
‘helpful’ perspectives.
Achilles: “Myrmidons, my brothers of the sword. I’d
rather fight beside you than any army of thousands. Let no man forget how
menacing we are, we are lions! Do you know what’s there, waiting, beyond that
beach? Immortality! Take it, it’s yours!”
Soldier: Seriously?
Don’t you mean certain death? Have you forgotten that what’s actually there waiting beyond
that beach is several thousand Trojan soldiers wanting to hack us to bits for
trying to invade their country. How on earth could you define that as
‘immortality’? More like insanity. And you really think we’re lions? A bunch of
scared stiff blokes in metal outfits with metal sticks planning to run
screaming hysterically at a bunch of other blokes covered in metal and pointing
very sharp sticks at us. I think we could only be called lions if said lions
had had their brains removed.
And
of course you’d rather fight beside us – I mean where are you going to
find yourself another army at this late stage? It’s either us or on
your own…which actually sounds like a bloody good idea considering you haven’t
actually needed us so far to win the battles. So, if it’s all the same to you,
I’ll leave it thanks. What time’s the next boat back to Greece?
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