From The Mind of Merc - Ocean's 11

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics ad occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Ocean’s 11.

To be clear – I love this film. It’s smooth, suave and very clever. But there’s one part in it that completely lets it down. It’s a fairly major plothole that occurs during the movie that no-one has ever explained* (and it seems few have spotted) which, for me, puts a dampener on the overall polish of the film.

It is this (SPOILER ALERT):
During the heist itself, Danny, Linus and Yen are in the vault when Rusty makes the call that alerts Benedict to their presence - prompting him to call the SWAT team - in which he ‘offers’ to let Benedict keep half the money if he will let them take the other half which apparently is then sent up in the lift in several black holdalls, taken out of the casino by Benedict’s men and then loaded into a van which is then tailed to the airport and – ultimately – proves to be full of flyers for prostitutes.

Here’s the issue:
Neither Danny, Linus nor Yen carried anything down with them to the vault that would have concealed these flyers, there was nothing placed in the vault that would have contained them (according to the plan) and it couldn’t be that the flyers were in the ‘SWAT team’s bags as the team went down AFTER the flyers came up. 
This means that, unless Danny is some kind of mutant or teleporting magician, there is no way those leaflets could have got into those bags (and, consequently, into that lift). Accordingly, there would have been nothing for Benedict’s men to take out to the van to be eventually blown up as a distraction and the only way they could provide the full bags that were placed in the lift to be collected would be to sacrifice half the money – as they threatened.
Otherwise their whole scheme would have been blown and they would have got absolutely nothing.

Watch it again and tell me I’m wrong.

* I’ve since discovered that even the director, Steven Soderbergh, can’t explain it!

The Waitress and the Frog sketch - Mercorabilia

Today another alternative ending to a Disney classic. This time Tiana uses some common legal sense to prevent disappointment... and considerably shortens the running time of the film.

Tiana: Everything looks peachy-keen, Mr Fenner and Mr Fenner.

Mr Fenner 1: We’ll have all the paperwork ready to sign, first thing after Mardi Gras.

Tiana: I’ll do you one better. Why don’t we put something on paper now so you can’t go and signed the place out from under me.

Mr Fenner 1: Oh, well, I really don’t think that’s necessary…

Tiana: I insist.

Mr Fenner 2: You drive a hard bargain, Tiana.

(Mr Fenner pulls out a piece of paper and drafts a rough contract which he and Tiana both sign. Tiana then pulls the paper out from under them).

Tiana: Pleasure doing business with you.

Mr Fenner 1: Evening, Tiana. Marvellous party.
Tiana: Evening Mr Fenner. And Mr Fenner.
Mr Fenner 2: Fine smelling beignets.
Tiana: Going to be the house specialty once I get my place up and running.
Mr Fenner1 : Yes. About that.
Tiana: What?
Mr Fenner 1: We were wondering… A fellow came in, offered the full amount in cash. 
And we wondered if maybe…
Mr Fenner 2: You’d changed your mind about the place
Tiana: You know how long it took me to save that money?
Mr. Fenner 1: Exactly! Which is why a little woman of your background would have her hands 
full trying to run a big business like that. What do you say?
Tiana: I think not.
(The Messers Fenner exchange glances)
Mr Fenner 1: Are you sure about that?
Tiana: I’m sure.
Mr Fenner 1: Oh, well. No harm in asking.
Mr Fenner 2: Goodbye, Tiana. Love these beignets.
Tiana: Goodbye! What the- Stella!
(The over-excited dog leaps onto the table in pursuit of a frog, causing it to collapse 
– covering Tiana in mess).
Charlotte (approaching): Tia! Time to hit Prince Charming with those man-catching… 
(She sees Tiana) What happened?
Tiana: I… I just…
Charlotte: You poor dear. Oh, Prince Naveen, we’ll be right back, sugar! I got just the dress for you.
(Charlotte helps Tiana upstairs, cleans her up and puts her in a posh dress).
Charlotte: Well, back into the fray. Wish me luck! Oh, Naveen…
(Tiana is about to follow when she spots a frog sat on the dressing table).
Tiana: So what now? I reckon you want a kiss?
Naveen: Kissing would be nice, yes?
(Tiana screams and backs away hurriedly)
Naveen: I’m sorry! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I did not mean to scare you. Allow me to introduce myself. 
I am Prince Naveen (Tiana hits him with a book) of Maldonia.
Tiana: Yeah, right!
Naveen: Seriously. All I know is one minute I am a prince, charming and handsome, cutting a rug, 
and the next thing I know, I am tripping over these (indicates his webbed feet).
Tiana: So you’re a Frog Prince?
Naveen: Yes, yes, yes! That is exactly the answer! You must kiss me.
Tiana: Look, I’m sorry. I’d really like to help you, but I just do not kiss frogs.
Naveen: But you must kiss me. Look, besides being unbelievably handsome, okay, I also happen to
come from a fabulously wealthy family. Surely I could offer you some type of reward, a wish I could
grant perhaps? Yes?
Tiana: No, thanks. I’m good. Bye!
Naveen: But! 
(Tiana is gone)
Naveen: Now what?
(Naveen hears the commotion outside and looks out. He sees Charlotte dancing with the fake version
of himself while her father watches in his laurel wreath which in Naveen’s eyes turns into a crown)
NAVEEN: Aha! The King of Mardi Gras. Which makes his daughter a princess!
(He hops down and waits for the fake Prince to go get the couple a drink)
NAVEEN: Miss La Bouff! Please, down here! Allow me to introduce myself. I am the real Prince Naveen!
(Charlotte hits him with a book) Of Maldonia.
CHARLOTTE: (GASPS) Did you say "Prince"?
(Naveen explains his predicament)
CHARLOTTE: Goodness gracious. This is so much to absorb. Let me see if I got this right. If I kiss you, 
you will turn human again? And then we're gonna get ourselves married and live happily ever after, the end!
NAVEEN: Yup.
CHARLOTTE: Ok.
(Charlotte kisses Naveen. He is restored to human form. Laurence and Facilier are exposed and attempt 
to make a run for it but are apprehended. Naveen and Charlotte turn to each other).
CHARLOTTE: My prince.
NAVEEN: My princess.
(They kiss again – their clothes transforming into wedding attire – while their guests including Tiana 
and her mother watch and cheer).
TIANA: Come on everybody! Back to mine for the reception!
(Everyone follows Tiana back to ‘Tiana’s Place’ which is finished and open. Tiana bows to her friend 
and her new husband as they enter – they both bow back. The door swings shut behind Tiana.)

Little Green Men sketch - Mercorabilia

Another short one today.

Man comes up to the side of a road. The man beside him is looking nervy.

Man 1: Are you ok?

Man 2: Huh?

Man 1: You seem a little shaken.

Man 2 looks around him as if to check he’s being watched and then leans towards Man 1. Man 1 leans in to hear what he says.

Man 2: I’ve seen little green men

Man 1: Really? Where?

The pedestrian crossing signal changes. Man 2 points at the green symbol across the road.

Man 2: There!

Man 2 runs screaming across the road