Ironic (Updated) - !!!NEW!!!

When Alanis Morisette appeared on Late Night with James Corden she performed what was (apparently) a corrected version of her song ‘Ironic’ which, in a way, was incredibly ironic as it still didn’t feature any ironies(!) So I figured this – as with her original version – needed amending.

Ironic - Updated Version (with corrections) not by Alanis Morisette
An old friend sends you a Facebook request
Who claimed time in Facebook they’d never invest
You switch heels for flats but you still take a fall
You get that new iphone and then find out that it won’t make calls
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

It’s like swiping left on your future soulmate
Yet you designed the user-friendly interface
It’s a tweet against tweeting that gets lots of faves
And who would’ve thought it figures

It’s like using sat nav to avoid the traffic you’ve found
Try to get out but the sat nav sends you back round
It’s 10,000 male late-night hosts saying gender equality is here
It’s hearing ‘Ironic’s been updated, but lyrics still don’t adhere
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think

It’s like getting a free ride when you’ve booked Taxis-To-Go
It’s travelling to Iceland only to learn in England it snowed
It’s like a failed delivery on a customer service How-to
And who would’ve thought it figures

It’s like a Netflix advert extolling DVDs
It’s getting a free burger when you’ve given up meat
It’s singing “Ironic,” when there are no ironies
And who would’ve thought it figures

Ironic - !!!NEW!!!

Has anybody else been driven mad by the song 'Ironic' by Alanis Morisette? I have nothing against Ms. Morisette but she clearly doesn't seem to know what irony actually is (which, in a way, is kind of ironic). And so I've decided to rectify this by penning a 'parody' of her song staying as true as was possible to the original to show how with just a few tweaks it would make so much more sense.

Ironic (with corrections) not by Alanis Morisette
Hey yeah yeah

Yeah yea yea
Hey yeah

An old man turned ninety-eight
Folks thought him immortal then he died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
You asked for body but now say to throw it away
Isn't it ironic
Don't you think?

It's like rain when you gave your umbrella away
Saying I won’t need it – doesn’t look cloudy today
Of all the times you choose - it must be fate
And who would've thought, it figures 

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to try

All sorts of new things - thought the risk was too high
Yet it’s this fear of his that caused him to die
Wouldn’t alter his course that day
He couldn’t see why
And isn’t it ironic
Don't you think?

It's like rain when you gave your umbrella away
Saying I won’t need it – doesn’t look cloudy today
Of all the times you choose - it must be fate
And who would've thought, it figures

Well life has a funny way of turning round on you
When you think everything's makes sense and everything's going right, right
And life has a funny way sometimes of tripping you up when
You think the everything's gone right and then everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
Told the roads would be clear by that reporter you hate
It's like ten thousand spoons when you think you need a knife
Then you find a spoon would have done
Ooh yeah the irony is rife, mmm
And isn't it ironic
Don't you think?
A little too ironic
And yeah, I really do think

It's like rain when you gave your umbrella away
Saying I won’t need it – doesn’t look cloudy today
Of all the times you choose - it must be fate
And who would've thought, it figures

And well, life has a funny way of turning round on you
And life has a funny, funny way of tripping you up
Tripping you up