Guess Who 2 sketch - Mercorabilia

When I wrote my Guess Who sketch the other month, an alternative route for it to take also occurred to me... so I decided to pursue it. This is the result:

Fred: Ok – your turn.

Joe: Ok. Does yours have… glasses?

Fred: Yes.

Joe: Yes!

<sounds of tiles flipping down>

Joe: Ok. Does yours have brown hair?

Fred: No.

Joe: So they’ve got red hair.

Fred: No.

Joe: What do you mean ‘no’?

Fred: I mean no – they don’t have red or brown hair.

Joe: But they must do. The only people left who have glasses either have red or brown hair. We’ve already established they haven’t got blonde hair. So what colour hair do they have?

Fred: Black.

Joe: Black?!? Let me see that!

Fred: Hey!

Joe: What the-! What is this?

Fred: What?

Joe: This isn’t the card you got.

Fred: Yes it is.

Joe: But you’ve coloured in the hair with black biro.

Fred: Well, I said they didn’t have red or brown hair.

Joe: But that isn’t how you play!

Fred: It’s how I play.

Joe: And these are even the original glasses – you’ve drawn glasses on. Your card doesn’t even have glasses.

Fred: Well, everyone’s allowed to change their look.

Joe: But these cards aren’t. If you’re like this with Guess Who, I dread to think what you’re like with Solitaire.

Fred: I do get through a fair few packs of cards.

Joe: I’m not surprised. Well, we can’t continue the game now.

Fred: So what shall we do?

Joe: How about another game?

Fred: Ok. We could play snakes and ladders.

Joe: Alright. But leave the biro behind this time.

Fred: Spoilsport.

Guess Who sketch - Mercorabilia

Partly inspired by John Finnemore and his (seemingly) favourite game – as it makes a regular appearance at his shows – and by my trip yesterday to catch his Flying Visit to Nottingham, I present this:

Fred: Now then… I’ve considered all the evidence carefully, and I believe the man I’m looking for… has… a beard!

Joe: Nope.

Fred: Damn!

<sound of Guess Who tiles being put down>

Fred: This is a rotten game.

Joe: You’re just a sore loser.

Fred: Can you blame me?

Joe: Can I blame you for being a sore loser? Yes – absolutely!

Fred: Well, I mean look at it. You’ve only got 4 possibles left. I’ve got half the board. I knew I didn’t stand a chance when I picked a woman card.

Fred: Anyway, it’s your go.

Joe: Right. I reckon the person I’m looking for has… large earrings.

Fred: <after a pause> Maybe.

Joe: What do you mean maybe? They either do or they don’t.

Fred: Well… they might.

Joe: Oh, you’re such a sore loser!

Fred: I am not! I wish you’d stop saying that!

Joe: Well, it’s true. Do they have large earrings or not?

Fred: Alright yes.

Joe: Thank you.

<sound of Guess Who tiles being put down>

Fred: Stupid game.

Joe: Stop being a sore loser – it’s your go.

Fred: Hmph. Let’s see. Whoops!

<sound of Guess Who boards rattling>

Joe: Hey!

Fred: Oh dear me.

Joe: You did that on purpose!

Fred: I did not!

Joe: You did! You’re such a sore loser. There was no need for you to shove the board like that.

Fred: I am not! And I had to grab the board – otherwise I would have lost my balance.

Joe: But it’s completely thrown off the game – we don’t know which ones were up and which were down now. We’ll have to start all over again.

Fred: No – let’s not. It’s a stupid game anyway. How about I Spy instead?

Joe: Alright. I spy with my little eye something beginning with S-L.

Fred: S-L. Hmm. S-L… Hang on – it’s Sore Loser, isn’t it?

Joe: There you are – you actually won something!