Fitzroy Fitzroy

And here's the second - reverting to my familiar Tudor theme and reusing a Bowie classic.

Rebel Rebel Fitzroy Fitzroy not by David Bowie
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo 

Born the son of King Henry eight
Was thrilled with you he thought you were so great
A son, that’s just the thing
A son, to please this king
Needs a prince, for the fam’ly line
Just a daughter after all this time
Then you come and he claims to know
Exactly where the blame should go
It must be down to Aragon
You just watch, soon she’ll be gone

Fitzroy Fitzroy, the king’s bastard
Fitzroy Fitzroy, you’re his flesh and blood
Fitzroy Fitzroy, a shining star
Duke of Richmond you are! 

Oh yeah!
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo 

Born the son of King Henry eight
Was thrilled with you he thought you were so great
A son, that’s just the thing
A son, to please this king
Needs a prince, for the fam’ly line
Just a daughter after all this time
Then you come and he claims to know
Exactly where the blame should go
It must be down to Aragon
You just watch, soon she’ll be gone 

Fitzroy Fitzroy, the king’s bastard
Fitzroy Fitzroy, you’re his child preferred/flesh and blood
Fitzroy Fitzroy, a shining star
Duke of Richmond you are!

Oh yeah!
Oh!
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo 

Fitzroy Fitzroy, the king’s bastard
Fitzroy Fitzroy, you’re his flesh and blood
Fitzroy Fitzroy, a shining star
Duke of Richmond you are!

The king’s bastard, his flesh and blood
The one he accepts, the one he thinks is good
Because you proved that he could father sons
He’ll give you titles and money and land
Who knows what other things the king has planned
You’re the king’s bastard
And you’re his child preferred
Because you’re his flesh and blood
But it won’t be long
Until your swan song 

‘Cause soon you’ve got to go
A short lived child, uh-huh, uh-huh
Soon you’ve gotta go
When you are just nineteen, you’ll have to leave the scene
You’re the king’s bastard
And you’re his flesh and blood
Ooh, you’re his flesh and blood
Ooh, ooh, but you’ve got to go
Eh, eh, you’ve got to go
Eh, eh

Bowie Bowie - !!!NEW!!!

8 years ago today we lost one of the greatest ever British singer-songwriters - a leading figure in the music industry - and his memory, and using one of his own songs, I've created this:

Rebel Rebel Bowie Bowie not by David Bowie
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo 

A man with such worldwide appeal
His skill in changing faces was unreal
One day, (a) Starman from space
One day, a Thin White face
We like it, yeah we like it all
Under pressure there are no Changes
The Jean Genie has us in a trance
So Let’s Dance to The Magic Dance
You cannot hate, you can’t despise
The music man with special eyes

Bowie, Bowie, he’s just the best
Bowie, Bowie, better than the rest
Bowie, Bowie, but did he know?
Just how we love him so!

Don't ya?
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo

A man with such worldwide appeal
His skill in changing faces was unreal
One day, (a) Starman from space
One day, a Thin White face
We like it, yeah we like it all
Under pressure there are no Changes
The Jean Genie has us in a trance
So Let’s Dance to The Magic Dance
You cannot hate, you can’t despise
The music man with special eyes

Bowie, Bowie, he’s just the best
Bowie, Bowie, better than the rest
Bowie, Bowie, but did he know?
Just how we love him so!

Don't ya?
Oh?
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo

Bowie, Bowie, he’s just the best
Bowie, Bowie, better than the rest
Bowie, Bowie, but did he know?
Just how we love him so!

He was the best, more than all the rest
You can't get enough, and we’re so impressed
Because you’ve also got his work in film
Like Thomas Newton the man who to earth fell
Not forgetting the Goblin King as well
That’s why he’s the best
He’s a global success
Better than all of the rest
We hope he did know
Yes we hope he did know

What else is there to say?
Yes Ziggy Stardust, ziggy, ziggy
Had us in his sway
We know you know it’s true
Looks like you like him too
'Cause he was the best
Better than all the rest
Ooh, better than the rest
Ooh, ooh, we hope he did know
Eh, eh, hope he did know
Eh, eh

Here's My Labyrinth - !!!NEW!!!

My latest parody creation is inspired by a very clever meme I found a while ago. I realised I could extend this to apply to the full song. So here it is:

Call Me Maybe Here's My Labyrinth not by Carly Rae Jepsen
You threw a wish to the air                  
So thought I’d show you I care           
And I appeared from thin air                                       
I thought I’d help you out
You wanted rid of the kid
So I just did as you bid
Won’t tell you where he’s hid              
Did it to help you out 

You’re so enchantn’
Don’t want to be wantin’
Not much I’m demandin’
Do you really want this baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
You can’t defeat me can you, lady
So here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
All that I do will drive you crazy
Cos here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby

Just take your time with this quest
But know that I am the best                                                     
No way that you’ll pass my test           
Then Toby will be mine
You’ve got just 12 hours to win                       
Let the challenge begin
Soon you will find you’re in a spin
Those peaches are sublime 

You’re so enchantn’
Don’t want to be wantin’
Not much I’m demandin’
Do you really want this baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
You can’t defeat me can you, lady
So here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
All that I do will drive you crazy
Cos here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby

But know you don’t have to do this, just let me rule you
Just let me rule you, just let me rule, rule you
But know you don’t have to do this, just let me rule you
Think you could do that
Just let me rule, rule you
(You, you, you, you, you, you) 

You can’t defeat me can you, lady
So here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby
All that I do will drive you crazy
Cos here's my labyrinth, I stole your baby

But know you don’t have to do this, just let me rule you
Just let me rule you, just let me rule, rule you
But know you don’t have to do this, just let me rule you
If you won’t do that
Come find your baby

I Will Survive The Labyrinth - !!!NEW!!!

A parody honouring the late, great David Bowie in his role as Jareth in the 1986 cult classic 'Labyrinth'

I Will Survive (The Labyrinth) not by Gloria Gaynor

First I was astounded, I was just amazed
Kept thinking you could never ever get right through my maze
But then made your way through to here and that simply proved me wrong
Didn’t take long
You took the baby and was gone

I want you back
From that strange place
I thought that I could win you over but instead I met with disgrace
I should have fixed that stupid clock, done more to make you lose your way
If I'd known for just one second you'd get through and the win the day

Let’s go again, just one more chance
Come back to me now
So that we can finish our dance
You know you’ve exhausted my generosity
I did so many things
Just what more could you ask of me?

It’s not over, I will win through
And as long as you are still alive, my goblins will find you
Just let me rule over you
Just let me tell you what to do ‘cause I’ll win through
I will win through, hey, hey

It took all my skill and magic to make that task
You didn’t care though - why can’t you just do what I ask
And I spent oh-so many nights working every detail out
Sure you cheated
‘Cause I’ve never been defeated now it’s too late
You made it through
You may be gone now but the thing is I’m still obsessed with you
And if you felt like dropping in then my oubliette would be free
There’d be no Toby to distract us or stop you from loving me

Let’s go again, just one more chance
Come back to me now
So that we can finish our dance
You know you’ve exhausted my generosity
I did so many things
Just what more could you want/ask of me?

It’s not over, I will win through
And as long as you are still alive, my goblins will find you
Just let me rule over you
Just let me tell you what to do ‘cause I’ll win through
I will win through,

Oh

Let’s go again, just one more chance
Come back to me now
So that we can finish our dance
You know you’ve exhausted my generosity
I did so many things
Just what more could you want/ask of me?

It’s not over, I will win through
And as long as you are still alive, my goblins will find you
Just let me rule over you
Just let me tell you what to do ‘cause I’ll win through
I will win through,

I will win through 

Sapphire City Sequel sketch - Mercorabilia

I will admit that this sketch is a bit cheeky as it's written as a direct follow-on to a sketch that John Finnemore wrote for his Souvenir programme. I don't know if it has an official name but I've always referred to it as the Sapphire City sketch and it is hilariously funny - hence the desire to continue it. 
So if you ever stumble across this, Mr. Finnemore, I would just like to say - very sorry, huge fan.

Guard A: Stop it! He can see how many doors there are, you idiots! Now he knows you two both lie at least sometimes so I must always tell the truth.
Traveller 1: Oh, really? Which door leads to the city?
Guard A: Oh, bloody hell, that one.
Traveller 1: Thanks.
Guard A: No! Wait! Not that one!
<Sound of a tiger roaring and gunshots>
Traveller 1: Ahhhhh!
Guard A: Hmm – so I told the truth and they still picked the wrong door. 
Guard B: No – they must have known exactly which door you were pointing to.
Guard A: That’s never happened before.
Guard B: Yes – yes it has - that’s always happened before.
Guard A: I wonder if it would happen again.
Guard B: I seriously doubt it and don’t think you should.
Guard A: Alright I will.
<Fanfare>
Guard A: Halt traveller. In your quest to reach the Sapphire City you must now pass this test. Before you are two doors – behind one lies the path you seek. Behind the other a tiger with a gun. In front of each door is a guard – one always lies, one always tells the truth. But to aid you in your quest I can tell you that I always speak the truth.
Traveller 2: Which door is it?
Guard A: One of those.
Traveller 2: Could you be a little more specific?
Guard A: (disappointed pause) Yes, I could
Traveller 2: Oh, then will you?
Guard A: (happier) No, I won’t
Traveller 2: Oh. Hello, what do you do?
Guard B: I’m like him I always tell the truth.
Guard A: No, she doesn’t - she always lies.
Traveller 2: Oh, in that case – is this the door that leads to the Sapphire City?
Guard B: (after a pause) …Maybe.
Traveller 2: Ok – if I asked him which door leads to the City what would he say?
Guard B: (with a sigh) He’d say this one.
Traveller 2: Thanks very much.
<Sound of door opening and closing>
Guard A: Hmm. Well, that didn’t work.
Guard B: Yes, it did. It worked brilliantly and I think you should do it again.
Guard A: Yeah – maybe it should go back to how it was before.
Traveller 3: Hello.
Guard A: Ah, halt traveller….
Traveller 3: Ah yes – I’ve seen this before. Which door would he say is the way to the Sapphire City?
Guard B: This one.
Traveller 3: Thanks.
Guard A: Then again…

(You may have noticed that the third guard who was causing all the problems in the original sketch has mysteriously disappeared. Maybe they did him in, maybe he was a figment of their imagination, maybe he's just wandered off, or maybe for convenience sake he just didn't fit into the sketch sequel - we shall never know)