I Was Very Much Amused

In my spare time I write parody songs, sketches and captions which I’ve decide to post here on my blog. You’ll be able to tell my eclectic comedy taste from some of the references and I freely admit my influences include Spike Milligan, Ronnie Barker, John Finnemore and Michael Bernstein (my Year 8 English teacher). The blog title is from Queen Victoria being famously misquoted as saying “We are not amused” so I’m using the correct quote, as mentioned in her diaries, of “I was very much amused"

Tuesday, 31 May 2022

From The Mind of Merc - Open & Shut Cases

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about homewreckers. Or, more specifically, a currently ongoing case. So apparently the Depp-Heard trial has gone to jury deliberation.

You wouldn’t think it’d take them that long considering it basically boils down to this:

Not to mention the number of times that Heard has been PROVEN to be a liar.

Hmm, tricky 🤔

Katherine Willoughby - !!!NEW!!!

A new historical parody song utilising a sting classic and a lesser known Tudor noblewoman.

~~Close To Me~~ Katherine Willoughby not by The Police

Young woman, the daughter
Of Spain’s nobility
Mother close to the queen
Was named for her, you see

Father died when seven
This girl's his only heir
Wardship bought by Charles Brandon
Is romance in the air?

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

Though betrothed to his son
This idea faded fast
When widowed he wed Kath
Yet this strange match would last

They were wed til his death
After things got complex
‘Cause she caught the King’s eye
Could it be she’d be next?

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

Outlived both king and wife
Her friend, Catherine Parr
Made ward of her daughter
Sadly the girl won’t go far

Her ward and sons they died
She rewed to Bertie
Sent aboard for a bit
Came back when Liz was queen

She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby
She’s Kath, she’s Katherine
She’s Katherine Willoughby

Prince Of Black - !!!NEW!!!

Making a return to my historical parody songs with a mix of Rolling Stones and a Plantagenet prince.

~~Paint It Black~~ Prince Of Black not by The Rolling Stones

You see my armour
And you note it’s coloured black
Not gold, silver or white
It’s all coloured in black

I am the Prince of Wales
I’m the heir to the throne
Eldest son of the king
But my fate is my own

I see a mounted knight
Who’s waiting to attack
When I charge towards them
No courage I don’t lack

I will see them turn their heads
When my lance hits its mark
I am the last they see
Before everything goes dark

But I’m more than this and
I’ll earn my infamy
Become a great knight
And achieve my destiny

I lead a noble army
You do not want to mess with
When it comes to victory
For us it’s take not give

I’ve done so many things
And earned my great acclaim
Edward The Black Prince - yes you’ll
Remember my name

Yet despite all of this
I’m like the setting sun
My health deserts me
And soon my day is done

You see my armour
And you note it’s coloured black
Not gold, silver or white
It’s all coloured in black

See my coffin pass by
My armour it is on top
Soon now my son will rule
He’ll inherit the lot

I was the only prince of
Prince of black
Black as night
Black as coal
I was my father’s son
Cut down in my prime
I was the only prince of, prince of, prince of
Prince of black, yeah

From The Mind of Merc - Homewrecking

And now what would have been April's Mind of Merc post

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about homewreckers. Or, more specifically, a homewrecker. Much as I hate talking about the manipulative, abusive being that is Amber Heard there is a distinct pattern of destruction to her relationships.

1) Elon Musk
m. Talulah Riley 2010-2012 & 2013-2016
meets Amber Heard 2012
dated Amber Heard 2017 (pursued since 2012)

2) Johnny Depp
partner Vanessa Paradis 1998-2012
meets Amber Heard 2011
dated Amber Heard 2012-2017 (m. 2015)

3) Jason Momoa
partner Lisa Bonet 2005-2022 (m. 2017)
meets Amber Heard 2017

I really hope I’m wrong about the last one. I would hate for anyone else to fall victim to that deceitful, cheating, poisonous creature.

No This Ain't Love - !!!NEW!!!

Song number 2 - a brief but famous Disney classic with a twist from a different Disney angle - namely Elsa's from Frozen

~~So This Is Love~~ No This Ain’t Love not from Cinderella

No, this ain’t love, mmm
No, this ain’t love
No, this is what most would call lust
It’s clear to show, mmm
Why don’t you know (why don’t I know)
The key to true love is just time

See here’s the thing, mmm
You have just met
To know each other you must get
While this is enchanting
I must give you a shove
Mmm, mmm
No, this ain’t love

Pinbowling - !!!NEW!!!

Things kind of ran away from me these past 2 months (new job, new home). Now getting back on track with a bulk posting to catch with my usual blog contributions starting with a new parody song.

~~Tubthumping~~ Pinbowling not by Chumbawumba

They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down
They get knocked down, you stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down

It's not an easy game, it’s not a tricky game
It takes a long time, it takes a short time
When you win it becomes one of the good times
With your mates it becomes one of the best times
(Oh that’s a strike, that’s a strike, that’s a strike)

It's not an easy game, it’s not a tricky game
It takes a long time, it takes a short time
When you win it becomes one of the good times
With your mates it becomes one of the best times
(Don’t care if it’s in the gutter)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s singing)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (then you’re winning)

They get knocked down (your arm’s swinging)
You stack em up again
Then you go ahead and knock them down (ooh)