I am a huge fan of the Science of Deduction and would have loved to be able to meet Dr Joseph Bell (particularly to ask him who he suspected Jack the Ripper was). However, sometimes I do wish that this was how a case was wrapped up.
Watson: Holmes – once more you’ve done it again. It’s simply astounding that you could deduce who the killer was. It’s just staggering how you put the pieces together. I simply don’t see how you do it. How could you possibly have worked it all out?
Holmes: Oh, you wouldn’t want to know.
Watson: I must. It’s driving me made trying to figure it all out.
Holmes: It’s too dull, honestly.
Watson: But it’s simply astonishing. How on earth did you do it?
Holmes: Well, if you must know, I read the last page.
Watson: <pause while this sinks in> You what?
Holmes: I read the last page. You see - this is a work of fiction. And we are characters in a book. So all I needed to do to solve the crime was read the last page – then I’d know who did it and could make up a convoluted story as to how I solved it.
Watson: Really?
Holmes: No – not really.
Watson: Oh. Well, I guess that’s about as believable as deducing the exact culprit through a series of long-winded assumptions.
Holmes: But it’s not a case of assumptions.
Watson: What is it then?
Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.
In my spare time I write parody songs, sketches and captions which I’ve decide to post here on my blog. You’ll be able to tell my eclectic comedy taste from some of the references and I freely admit my influences include Spike Milligan, Ronnie Barker, John Finnemore and Michael Bernstein (my Year 8 English teacher). The blog title is from Queen Victoria being famously misquoted as saying “We are not amused” so I’m using the correct quote, as mentioned in her diaries, of “I was very much amused"
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