This one is inspired by the familiar two-handed sketches of the Two Ronnies but directed towards the less comical setting of murder mysteries. Hopefully, the investigating officer never has to deal with subordinates like these:
(Police officer stood around a two man camping tent with
signs of blood spatter on the inside. Police inspector enters and goes over to
them)
Inspector: So what have we got here? (looks inside) Hmm –
pretty nasty. Right! (turns to officers – as he gives instructions they start
to filter away) Get SOCO to do a sweep of this entire area. Start taking
witness statements – see if any passers by saw anything and we’ll need to set
up the murder tent.
Constable: But it’s in a tent
Inspector: Yes I know it’s a tent but it’s a murder so we
need to set up the murder tent
Constable: But if this where the murder happened, isn’t this
the murder tent?
Inspector: Are you trying to be funny?
Constable: No, Serge. Just trying to understand your
instructions.
Inspector: What’s there to understand? It’s very simple –
there’s been a murder, we need a murder tent
Constable: But it is a murder tent
Inspector: No – it’s the scene of crime. Just because the
crime happened to take place in a tent does not mean we can overlook standard
protocol. And standard
protocol instructs us to set up a murder tent.
Constable: But it is a tent.
Inspector: Oh for pity’s sake! Wilson!
PC Wilson: Yes, Serge?
Inspector: Have the boys set up a murder tent around the
body, will you?
PC Wilson: But it’s in a tent, serge.
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