Food Glorious Food - !!!NEW!!!

I work for Fareshare - the food redistribution charity - which, at times of crisis like this, is increasingly relied upon to make up for the shortfall in the government's (mis)management of the country. For some incomprehensible reason (Tory self-aggrandisement), this need is only increasing leading to plaintive cries such as this:

Food Glorious Food not from Oliver
Is this what we voted for?
Watching poverty rates soar
So hungry it makes us sob      
Every day we pray they’ll change
Make living within our range?
Yet they say it’s not their job!
10 years ago, at the UK food banks,
They gave out sixty one thousand meals
But that’s now shot right up to over two million
Now just what about that is appeal(ing) 

Food, we all need food
It’s vital for living
Yet we're all eschewed
That’s not very giving
There seems there’s never enough
Why not is the question?
Yes that’s right you’ve got it, love
Tory (in)action

Food, we all need food
Can’t survive without it
With benefits cut
We cannot afford it
Yet we fund the MPs meals
It’s all become skewed
Oh food! We all need food!
We must have food, we all need food

Food we all need food
Forgot what it feels like
Not to go hungry
That’s now a daily fight
Watching the MPs growing fat
Our senses are reeling
Watching their bank accounts that
Hit the ceiling

Food we all need food
What would just it take for
Them to do their job
And to not shaft the poor                    
Why should they be allowed to
Forgo to include
Our food
‘Cause we need food
Where is the food
We must have food
Give us our food
We all need food
Where is the food

From The Mind of Merc - Choices

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the conundrum facing the enquiry panel - they basically have to decide whether Boris Johnson is an incompetent idiot or a corrupt criminal. Personally, I think the answer is obvious:

Even so, I'm not 100% convinced that a beneficial outcome will be produced whatever they decide as it appears to actually have an effect, his own party (of which 100 MPs backed him to reclaim the Premiership last year) have to agree to apply it. Sounding remarkably reminiscent of the attempt to impeach Trump - can only work if his own party are against him. 

It also doesn't help that the current incumbent is undoubtedly not any better seeing as how he appears to believe his having a heated swimming pool is more important than the people he is supposed to represent being able to eat(!)
Not to mention his disparaging of policies which turn out in fact to have been Tory-instigated and led - like the time he expounded the virtues benefits of being in the EU - talk about facepalm moment.
Plus his apparent conviction that answering questions to his own satisfaction is adequate for everyone else. Guess again.

There may be some sheeple in this world but they are not the majority. Neither are the Tory supporters as it has previously been reported that the majority votes any recent Tory stunt or election has garnered have been as protest votes against other choices (such as the referendum and the last election which is not only stupid and short-sighted but catastrophically damaging) rather than the voters actually choosing or preferring the Tory option.

I hope and pray that when we next have a choice come the next election that these self-serving money grubbing lawbreakers will be firmly and unequivocally shown the door and we can start repairing the country the Tories have spent the past 13 years systematically destroying for their own ends.

I have said this so many times but feel it needs saying again:

THE TORIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. 

Please repeat as necessary until the message sinks in.

Fairest Of Them All Award - Mercorabilia

It's quite an interesting title to claim isn't it - Fairest of them all. What if there was an actual competition...? 

Reporter: And I’m here with the Queen who is the current holder of the title ‘Fairest of them all’ and… no.. wait, I’m sorry – I’m just being told it seems there is a new contender for the title. And it’s none other than the Queen’s own stepdaughter – Princess Snow White!
Queen: Snow White? That little upstart! She’s not the fairest of them all. She doesn’t even compare. I mean her skin is so ridiculously pale it’s…
Reporter: (dreamily) White as snow.
Queen: Clearly a sign she’s sickening for something. Obviously diseased. And her lips…
Reporter: (dreamily) Red as blood.
Queen: Exactly – it’s disgusting. And that hair it’s…
Reporter: (dreamily) Black as ebony
Queen: So?
Reporter: I think she’s got a shot.
Queen: (quietly) She soon will do.
Reporter: I’m sorry – did you say something?
Queen: No. No – nothing.
Reporter: Well, there you have it, folks. Even the Queen is left speechless by her beauty.
Queen: That’s it – Huntsman! Bring me the girl’s heart!
Reporter: Well, I think I settles it. You are definitely not the fairest of them all.
Queen: His too.
Reporter: What?

Wye Is It sketch - Mercorabilia

I know I've used this sketch before but this idea came into my head a while ago and I haven't been able to shake it. So here it is:

Wye Is It Who’s On First not by Abbott & Costello
Abbott: Did you know that the town I live in is the smallest in England.
Costello: Is that so?
Abbott: Yep. I was reading about it the other day. Smallest in England.
Costello: What’s it called?
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: What?
Abbott: No, not What. Wye.
Costello: Why what?
Abbott: No. I didn’t say what. I said Wye.
Costello: I know. And I said what.
Abbott: Why did you say what?
Costello: Because you said why.
Abbott: So
Costello: So why?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: What.
Abbott: No not what. Wye.
Costello: Wait a minute. You live in the town?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the town’s name?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well then? Tell me.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: I don’t know. I just thought I’d ask you.
Abbott: I just thought I’d tell you.
Costello: But you’re not telling me.
Abbott: Yes, I am.
Costello: What’s the name of the town you live in.
Abbott: No, it’s not what. It’s Wye.
Costello: Do you want to tell me the name?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: Well, go ahead.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Because you said you wanted to.
Abbott: I do.
Costello: So go ahead.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: I'm just asking it’s name.
Abbott: That is its name.
Costello: What?
Abbott: No, Wye.
Costello: Just tell me.
Abbott: I did.
Costello: You did?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: But you… Look, look, look…you know the name of the town?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: What is it?
Abbott: No.
Costello: What?
Abbott: No.
Costello: No?
Abbott: No. Wye.
Costello: I don’t know why but you won’t tell me.
Abbott: Won’t tell you what.
Costello: You said it isn’t what.
Abbott: It isn’t what.
Costello: I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.
Abbott: That’s it.
Costello: That’s what?
Abbott: No. Wye
Costello: Ok. Let’s try again. You said you lived in the smallest town in England.
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the name of this town.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Because I want to know.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Because you said you’d tell me.
Abbott: And I’m telling you.
Costello: So tell me.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you said you live in the smallest town in England, how is the town’s name written?
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: I just want to know.
Abbott: And I just want to tell you
Costello: So go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: I don’t know any more.
Abbott: You don’t need to know anymore. I’m telling you.
Costello: Go on then.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Why do you keep asking me why?
Abbott: I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. Wye.
Costello: I don’t know. Maybe you just felt like it. Who’s to say why?
Abbott: I did.
Costello: You did what?
Abbott: Say Wye.
Costello: Did you?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well, I never heard you.
Abbott: How can you not have heard? I’m standing right here.
Costello: Well, go ahead and say it again.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Because you said you’d said it. And I didn’t hear it. So I asked you to say it again.
Abbott: And I did.
Costello: Well, go on then.
Abbott: Wye.
Costello: Oh for…
Abbott: What's wrong with that?
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the town name where you live.
Abbott: No. What isn’t it.
Costello: I don’t know what isn’t it. How am I supposed to be able to know when you won’t tell me what it is.
Abbott: No. What it isn’t.
Costello: So what is it?
Abbott: No. Wye.
Costello: I don’t know why.
Abbott: Well, I do.
Costello: Good. I’m happy for you.

From The Mind of Merc - Patron Saints

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about patron saints. Specifically those of the United Kingdom. Given that today is St David's Day this seemed particularly apposite.

On looking into these figures, 1 thing stood out - St David appears to be unique in being the only patron saint who was actually born in the country he is patron saint of!

Let's look at the stats:

England
- George
- Born in Turkey (to Greek parents)
- Died 23^rd April 303AD
- Famous for: Slaying a dragon that was terrorising a city and saving the life of a princess (this part of his story was added in the 11^th century)
- Actual achievements: Being a Roman soldier who was martyred for being Christian with his execution convincing the Empress to become Christian (she was also executed) 

Scotland

- Andrew

- Born in Galilee, Israel (to Jewish parents)
- Lived 5-60/70 AD
- Famous for: Being crucified on an X-shaped cross (hence the shape on the Scottish flag); a sign of which inspired the victory of Oengus II in 832
- Actual achievements: Being a disciple of Jesus (originally a disciple of John the Baptist) and attending several important occasions mentioned in the Bible 

Wales

- David

- Born in Ceredigion, Wales (to Welsh parents)
- Lived 500 – 1^st March 589 AD
- Famous for: Creating a small hill to form where he stood in Brefi (the village of Llanddewi Brefi now stands on this spot) and having a white dove settle on his shoulder
- Actual achievements: Being a renowned preacher and teacher who founded monastic settlements in Wales and presided over the Synod of Caerleon (or Synod of Victory) 

Ireland

- Patrick

- Born in England (to Roman parents)
- Lived 5^th century
- Famous for: Banishing snakes from Ireland, fasting for 40 days on a mountain and using the shamrock to demonstrate the Holy Trinity of father, son and holy spirit
- Actual achievements: Being kidnapped by pirates aged 16, escaping back to England before returning to Ireland to promote Christianity and eventually become a bishop

Supreme Head Of The Church - !!!NEW!!!

And here's number 2:

Another One Bites The Dust Supreme Head of The Church not by Queen
It seems King Henry’s had enough
Of not getting his own way
He’s been married for 24 years
But now Kate has had her day
She just won’t oh no just won’t leave
And is still insisting she is the queen
But the king’s got a plan up his sleeve
And now soon he will be 

Supreme Head of the Church
Supreme Head of the Church
The Supreme Head of The Supreme Head of
Supreme Head of the Church
Oh yes oh yes it’s true
Supreme Head of the Church

He gets his own way as always Kate is gone
Now Anne is by his side
Her pregnant belly swells with Henry’s child
And Anne she just glows with pride
It is a son, a son to be sure
At last he will have an heir
Ok so maybe not a prince this time but
One day soon now he will get there

Supreme Head of the Church
Supreme Head of the Church
The Supreme Head of The Supreme Head of
Supreme Head of the Church
Oh yes oh yes it’s true
Supreme Head of the Church

He 

Oh he is – of the church of the church
Yes Supreme Head of the Church
Supreme Head of the Church now
Supreme Head of the Church he he
Supreme Head of the Church yeah
Ooh look out

There are many more ways Henry learns he can gain
From his fresh break with Rome
The abbeys and
The friaries and
The monasteries gold he can now call his own
Now with Cromwell yes Cromwell by his side
He can seize all their property
Melt it all down and sell it all on
Close it down and then set them all free

Supreme Head of the Church
Supreme Head of the Church
The Supreme Head of The Supreme Head of
Supreme Head of the Church
Oh yes oh yes it’s true
Supreme Head of the Church
Look out

Another One Bites The Dust - !!!NEW!!!

As I've started reusing songs for my parodies (and because I couldn't decide which version I preferred of the two I penned) here is the 1st of 2 new creations using a Queen classic.

Another One Bites The Dust not by Queen
King Henry has broken with Rome
So that he can marry Anne
But soon it seems there is more than that
To his grand master plan
He needs money yes he needs money for war
And it is their money that he can see
Now that Henry is head of the Church
It’s all his property yeah 

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey he’s gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

It will not take Thomas Cromwell very long
Until it all is gone
He’ll take them for everything that they had
And kick them out of the town
Is he happy Is he satisfied?
Now that he has all their gold
The abbeys are gone and the monks
Are left out in the cold look out

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey he’s gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust 

Hey

Oh watch it - Bite the dust bite the dust
Hey Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust now
Another one bites the dust oh oh
Another one bites the dust yeah
Ooh look out

There are plenty of ways that you can skin a church
It seems Cromwell has found
You can raid ‘em You can trade ‘em You can grade ‘em bad
And sell off what you’ve found
They are falling yes they are falling fast
Against Cromwell’s relentless tide
Even a bit of bribery and
Corruption won’t get him on your side

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust yeah
Hey he’s gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Look out

From The Mind of Merc - Dinosaurs

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about dinosaurs. Not the prehistoric reptiles that once roamed the earth but the repulsive creatures masquerading as human beings that still permeate society and sadly seem to believe their reprehensible behaviour and attitudes towards women are still acceptable.

To give an example, the most prominent of these that comes to mind is Harvey Weinstein.

This vile individual was finally outed after years of systematic abuse towards up and coming or even established stars who found themselves subject and exposed to his lascivious advances as he abused his position of power over them in progressing their chosen careers to manipulate them.

The impact of his actions is not just restricted to/go even further than the inestimable physical and psychological harm undoubtedly caused as their careers also fall victim to his antics and his Machiavellian methods of getting his way (or should that be getting his end away). Some escaped the threatened impact to their livelihoods. For others their dreams were crushed and the promising ingénues and potential superstars fell by the wayside crushed under the weight of his libido.

This is the full list of his accusers:
1.     Cate Blanchett
2.     Helena Bonham Carter
3.     Kate Beckinsale
4.     Salma Hayek
5.     Angelina Jolie
6.     Cara Delevingne
7.     Madonna
8.     Lupita Nyong'o
9.     Gwyneth Paltrow
10.   Léa Seydoux
11.   Uma Thurman
12.   Lena Headey
13.   Claire Forlani
14.   Romola Garai
15.   Heather Graham
16.   Eva Green
17.   Daryl Hannah
18.   Anne Heche
19.   Lauren Holly
20.   Ashley Judd
21.   Olga Kurylenko
22.   Myleene Klass
23.   Julianna Margulies
24.   Rose McGowan
25.   Connie Nielsen
26.   Monica Potter
27.   Aishwarya Rai
28.   Mira Sorvino
29.   Rosanna Arquette
30.   Lysette Anthony
31.   Asia Argento
32.   Alice Evans
33.   Sean Young
34.   Jessica Hynes
35.   Natalie Mendoza
36.   Annabella Sciorra
37.   Amber Anderson
38.   Jessica Barth
39.   Zoë Brock
40.   Liza Campbell
41.   Marisa Coughlan
42.   Florence Darel
43.   Emma de Caunes
44.   Paz de la Huerta
45.   Sophie Dix
46.   Kaitlin Doubleday
47.   Caitlin Dulany
48.   Lina Esco
49.   Angie Everhart
50.   Louisette Geiss
51.   Judith Godrèche
52.   Trish Goff
53.   Ambra Gutierrez
54.   Minka Kelly
55.   Mia Kirshner
56.   Natassia Malthe
57.   Brit Marling
58.   Katya Mtsitouridze
59.   Jennifer Siebel Newsom
60.   Vu Thu Phuong
61.   Sarah Polley
62.   Melissa Sagemiller
63.   Tara Subkoff
64.   Paula Williams
65.   Juls Bindi
66.   Cynthia Burr
67.   Alexandra Canosa
68.   Rowena Chiu
69.   Hope Exiner d'Amore
70.   Wedil David
71.   Juliana De Paula
72.   Jane Doe
73.   Lacey Dorn
74.   Dawn Dunning
75.   Lucia Evans
76.   Louise Godbold
77.   Larissa Gomes
78.   Mimi Haleyi
79.   Dominique Huett
80.   Amy Israel
81.   Katherine Kendall
82.   Heather Kerr
83.   Nannette Klatt
84.   Liz Kouri
85.   Jasmine Lobe
86.   Emma Loman
87.   Ivana Lowell
88.   Laura Madden
89.   Jessica Mann
90.   Sarah Ann Masse
91.   Ashley Matthau
92.   Sophie Morris
93.   Emily Nestor
94.   Kadian Noble
95.   Lauren O'Connor
96.   Samantha Panagrosso
97.   Zelda Perkins
98.   Emanuela Postacchini
99.   Tomi-Ann Roberts
100.   Lisa Rose
101.   Erika Rosenbaum
102.   Lauren Sivan
103.   Chelsea Skidmore
104.   Kaja Sokola
105.   Melissa Thompson
106.   Paula Wachowiak
107.   Wende Walsh

The ones is green you’ve probably heard of, the ones in orange you may have heard of but not for a while, the ones in red you’re unlikely to have heard of. But might you have done if Weinstein hadn’t blocked their way? Might Sophie Dix and Minka Kelly now hold the same standing as Blanchett, Paltrow and Jolie if they hadn’t been faced with Weinstein’s version of Hobson’s Choice? 

Fortunately, due to the bravery of the above women in coming forward, and the subsequent emergence of the MeToo movement, it is becoming apparent that this kind of behaviour and these actions are not acceptable and have no place in modern society. These dinosaurs need to be made extinct once and for all and this cannot happen until everyone agrees that this behaviour is not to be tolerated and that these creatures are not to be accommodated.

Prison sentences like that handed out to Weinstein are a strong sign of this desired outcome and a determined step in the right direction but there is still a long way to go. There are other examples of equally odious creatures who were not subject to the same consequences.

- Roger Ailes, American TV executive, was outed in 2016 as a sexual predator and forced to resign. This might sound like a victory but, aside from the fact his actions were initially covered up/defended by his employers, at his resignation he was thanked for his worked and given a golden handshake of $65 million. He subsequently (and perhaps unsurprisingly) went to work for Donald Trump as an adviser*.

- John Lasseter, animation producer for Disney and Pixar, was forced to take a ‘leave of absence’ after his sexual misconduct was brought to light. Eventually he and Pixar announced they parted ways. Note he wasn’t fired and not only had he acknowledged his actions but Pixar had previously assigned minders to him during his employment with them. i.e. they knew and did nothing to effectively address his behaviour. He was subsequently hired to head an associated animation company. 

As I say, still a long way to go.

You wouldn't think it would be difficult to reprimand these odious creatures when their actions come to light. But it seems it is another inconvenient truth of our time. It is apparently inconvenient for the company this person works for to deal appropriately with their behaviour. It is inconvenient for them to acknowledge there is someone in their midst who should not be. And it is inconvenient for business to lose the ‘asset’ of that person’s knowledge and experience in the industry.

Yet they conveniently (for them) overlook the fact that it is infinitely more inconvenient for their victims to be subject to their actions and for the ripple effect it has on everyone in their lives and, through a lack of consequence, the world. This is the inconvenience that should be focused on by all – especially the companies – and it should be made transparent that condoning this behaviour is just as unacceptable as the behaviour itself.
The loss to the company for not acting – preferably at the time – should be greater than the loss of perpetrator's 'experience' to the company.  What about the loss suffered by those people deprived of their livelihoods? Who knows what they could have done, who knows what they couldn’t achieved if their aspirations hadn’t been curtailed by the odious and deplorable demands of the reptiles they encountered. 

What’s even more compelling is that fact that the MeToo movement includes men too as they have also suffered from this behaviour. This should be a sufficiently significant indicator that it is a universal, gender-free problem.
Terry Crews, James Van Der Beek and Brendan Fraser have all come forward and reported being victims of sexual harassment and assault by executives in the entertainment industry. Fraser has fortunately been given a second chance in his career but when was the last time you saw Van Der Beek in anything? 

It is MeToo and if you cannot align with that, if you can see some grounds for objection to opposing such disgusting practices and behaviour then quite frankly you are part of the problem.

It is not difficult for people to stand beside their fellow man or woman. It is not difficult for men to be feminists. It is not difficult to say that behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. But it is so hard for a woman to stand up and speak about what she has suffered – especially given the prevalence for her inconvenient truth to be disbelieved. In our modern enlightened times she shouldn’t even have to in the first place because she shouldn’t have suffered or been put in a position when she suffered.

If the actions of the dinosaurs had been directed to the relatives of any of those who condone or fail(ed) to act they would have been outraged. So why is it even conceivably acceptable just because it happened to someone else? They are someone’s family. 

Get rid of the dinosaurs. Get rid of their mentality. Get rid of their capacity to perpetrate their despicable actions. It is not acceptable. It is not tolerable. And it should not be a part of our society.

 

(Oh, and don’t come at me with that ‘Not AllMen’ rubbish. Until it is NotAnyMen then that hashtag is meaningless.)

*I’m not even going to begin on the sexual corruption in politics as otherwise this blog entry would never end.

Oh Mr Sunak - !!!NEW!!!

Another one that was remarkably easy to write.
(And another tune that I've used before)

Oh Mr Porter Oh Mr Sunak not by Marie Lloyd
Oh Mr Sunak
Why can't you see
Increasing maths just will not help
Us to pay for our tea
If prices still go up then
The crisis will not end
Oh Mr Sunak
You are not the people's friend

Gaslighting - !!!NEW!!!

Sometimes there are songs that are so easy to write because the words come so easily. Maybe it's because it's an important issue. Maybe because it's full of truth. Either way - here it is:
(I know I've used this tune before but it just fits so well)

Oom-pah-pah Gaslighting not from Oliver!
Isn’t it a pity
That deep in London city
There’s corruption so strong
That it’s causing a stink
Don’t be party to it
Realise that there’s more to it
And don’t let them tell you what it is you should think

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t ever fall for it now you’ve been told
That it’s called Gaslighting

Economy's broken
The government has spoken
Immigrants and unions it’s all down to them
How can it be that’s true
It’s not cos let me tell you
The Tories are the ones who should take the blame

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
The MPs are the ones hoarding the gold
By using Gaslighting

Look at the NHS
It’s got into a right mess
There’s no space for anyone and there’s no time
We’re told it’s the nurses
Who deserve all our curses
But blaming those heroes must be the real crime

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
We can’t let them win and we can’t let it fold
‘Cause of their Gaslighting

Cost of living crisis
Has turned us all to ices
'Cause we can’t afford to turn the heating on
Sunak thinks that maths will
Prove to be the miracle pill
But we know that that is one more Tory con

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t let them leave us all out in the cold
Not with their Gaslighting

Isn’t it a pity
That deep in London city
There’s corruption so strong
That it’s causing a stink
Don’t be party to it
Realise that there’s more to it
And don’t let them tell you what it is you should think

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t ever fall for it now you’ve been told
That it’s called Gaslighting

Gaslighting, gaslighting
That’s what it’s called
Gaslighting, gaslighting
A trick so old
Don’t ever fall for it now you’ve been told
That it’s called Gaslighting