His Dark Materials Advent Calendar – 5

 Door number 5:

His Dark Materials Advent Calendar - 4

 Door number 4:

His Dark Materials Advent Calendar - 3

Door number 3:

His Dark Materials Advent Calendar - 2

Door number 2:

His Dark Materials Advent Calendar - 1

Here we go with this year's caption advent calendar.

Door number 1:

From The Mind of Merc - Hypocrisy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Hypocrisy.

The Tories various failings to fulfil their duty to run the country (instead evidently preferring to run it into the ground) have led numerous people on numerous occasions to query the correct definition of democracy – which struck me as the Tories providing us with a valuable vocabulary lesson. It also occurred to me that they’re teaching us exceptionally well about another word – hypocrisy.

The most glaring and recent example has to be Boris Johnson’s declaration that bullying will not be tolerated in Whitehall… despite refusing to dismiss Home Secretary Priti Patel when an independent investigation found her guilty of exactly that.

But this is far from the only example. There is also the instance of the Tories on the one hand extolling to the public to do their bit to ‘Save the NHS’ and on the other undermining it, underfunding it, and selling bits of it off. They have since compounded their own duplicity with a parliamentary meeting in which 50 people crammed into a room that was only supposed to hold 29.

And let’s not forget the school meals fiasco with the exorbitant sum of free school meals meaning the government was loath to fund them… despite the fact that it’s equivalent to the amount they spent on  PPE contract for face masks (handed without tender to a wealth advisory firm with links to the Tories) that turned out to be unusable.

So if there’s one thing you can say about this government, it’s that they’re educational. Aren’t we lucky!

A Son To Succeed - !!!NEW!!!

I realised that I didn't have a parody song for Henry VIII(!) Which considering I'm a huge Tudor nut (in case you haven't guessed) is frankly astonishing. So I decided to rectify this. But which song to choose? Luckily, I had a Henry expert on hand to make a suggestion.  Here is the result.

A Son To Succeed not by The Hollies

To fill my father’s wish it must be said
There is one thing that I must do
He told me that I had to have a child
And to be fair I’ve had a few
But it’s not so plain,
‘Cause there is a key condition
To complete my task
Must make some tough decisions

If my queen cannot do what’s asked of her
Then I must look to find another

You see all I need is a son to succeed when I am gone
All I need is a son to succeed before too long
All I need is a son to succeed

 If my queen cannot do what’s asked of her
Then I must look to find another

You see all I need is a son to succeed when I am gone
All I need is a son to succeed before too long
All I need is a son to succeed
Succeed...

Bye Bye Bigot - !!!NEW!!!

A little parody song to celebrate the result of the US Presidential Election.

Bye Bye Baby Bye Bye Bigot not by Bay City Rollers

We still you hate you for all that you say
Can't stand that stuff any longer
So gonna tell you go away 

Bye bye bigot, bigot goodbye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bye bye bigot, your time is nigh (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)

You're the one man we never wanted
We were determined and were undaunted                 
We’d see you ousted
Couldn’t stand you you’re just so racist
With your Twitter you would not desist
Took so long but now you’re gone so

Bye bye bigot, bigot goodbye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bye bye bigot, your time is nigh (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)

Wish we could forget that you were here
When you leave town we all will cheer
Gee, how good it will be for we
Shouldn’t have got in last time so true
But now you’re done so won’t feel blue
You lost see and now we’re free so

Bye bye bigot, bigot goodbye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bye bye bigot, your time is nigh (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)

Bigot, bye bye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bigot, bye bye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bigot, bye bye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bigot, bye bye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)
Bigot, bye bye (bye bigot, bigot bye bye)

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Lockdown - !!!NEW!!!

Had to be done really.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas Lockdown not by Bing Crosby

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
Everything is closed
We’re all looking to No. 10 - The PM’s delayed again
He means what he says but does he say what he means
Who knows?

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
All our plans are gone
But there is still a chance in sight, if we all do it right
So we’ll carry on

It’s true it’s not a nice place and it’s such a disgrace
That we can’t all do as we please      
Limits imposed we all feel so enclosed
And not free to just take our ease 
(But) if we adhere the end is near for awful days like these

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
Everything is closed
It isn’t that much to ask - Stay home or wear a mask
And wash your hands or else our chance
Is hosed

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
(But) There’s no need to cry   
‘Cause there’s more than enough loo rolls
So please think of other souls
And don’t panic buy 

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
All our plans are gone
But there is still a chance in sight, if we all do it right
So we’ll carry on
‘Cause, the lockdown is on

From The Mind of Merc - Contradictions

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today, possibly inspired by a certain announcement, I was thinking about contradictions.

Leaving aside from the ample instances said announcement provided (e.g. Important to take action now says the man who's been delaying lockdown for weeks), there is still another prevalent issue which demonstrates my point.

For example: 

Don't see the irony in that? How about:

Still nothing? Ok - last chance: